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Monday, January 11, 2010



Very funny! Martha cracks me up, too. Lucy is so cute! Is it just my computer monitor, or does she have a bit of a reddish tinge to her hair?


Okay, you totally cracked me up with this. I especially loved this line "I don't know why this calendar isn't called “What Martha Would Do If She Were You, and also Poor.”'
SO true.
I just got my new issue of Living in the mail today. It always takes me a few days to work up my courage enough to open it. I have to wait for a day when I'm not already feeling like a lazy slob.
Oh, and about the show- I'm just sorry I missed the Martha Stewart/Snoop Dogg episode. Seriously, who thought up that pairing?


Jan 14th happens to be my birthday. I am SO GLAD to know that Martha's cats will be clean on my birthday. It's like a special honor just for me. LOL.


Kmart is ghetto EVERYWHERE!! We're in California and I assume it's the same way wherever they are.


I've always loved the whole calendar section - it made me feel superio and utterly inadequate all at once. I don't even think they have Kmarts in TX anymore...but best story ever? When I was little I used to do modeling and my mom HID the fact that I did some modeling for Kmart from our entire family - like it was a skeleton in my closet - too funny!


OH MY GOSH. I nearly tripped over myself clicking through my feed reader to comment. I just started getting Martha Stewart Living and was CRACKING UP at the calendar page. I thought the same thing- like SHE does these things herself? Give me a break! She probably has people who hire people who can HIRE people to do those things for her.

I do love the magazine though. Even when it makes me feel wholly inadequate as a wife and mother.

Mrs. D

Oh my gosh I had no idea such a wonderous thing as Martha's calendar existed! "Unplug it first"?!?! That is hilarious.

I got her wedding magazine for a couple of years before I got married, and it was amazing. But what I loved most (in a "love to make fun of" kind of way) was the crazy DIY section, where you learned how to make your own wedding bouquet out of, like, papier mache and Swarovski crystals... or how to hand-sew your bridesmaids' dresses out of unicorn fur and mermaid scales. I appreciate a good wedding DIY as much as the next gal, but those were always way over the top.


Oh, I love Martha too. She's just so ridiculous! Agreed.
I only go to Kmart once a year, for the Christmas stuff, otherwise it's just too sad and sketchy. How is that place still in business?
Also, I see "my" blanket in the picture of Lucy! Squee!


I became entranced with Martha when she turned her house into a space ship using "everyday items" that if you add them all up came out well over $500. Like I have that kind of cash to turn everything in my house into a scrap of trash. My second thought when I saw that episode was "someone call NASA, Martha says she can do it with just a few bucks."


The calendar is the best part of the magazine. I always laugh at "dust lightbulbs." Because really?


Have you seen the show "Whatever, Martha!" on the Style Network? You must check it out.


Does she even HAVE cats? January is a TERRIBLE time to bathe cats! You have to do it NEVER! Or at least do it in the hot part of summer when they can go sulk/dry in the sun.

I can't stand KMart either. Too depressing.


My husband and I were out looking for a rug for our nursery last weekend and ended up at KMart (and then Ollie's- even lower on the retail rung) after exhausting many other search options. Ours was a little scary to put it mildly and I made my husband swear up and down that if my water broke in either store (I am due friday) that we would never tell anyone where it broke- we would just make something else up.


I second the show "Whatever, Martha!" It's one of my faves.


You should go to a Martha Stewart Show taping in NYC! We went in November and walked out with a free book and a $100 gift card from Bank of America. It was actually quite fun. Especially if you are a minority or extra stylish, then they put you in the front row. I AM NOT JOKING - check the next time you see the show on TV.

It really is amazing how well she does on those shows. It seems like she's just getting along on cue cards that they hastily put together AS THE SHOW IS TAPING. My favorite is when she yells at the prep people for something not being perfect.

She took questions from us afterwards that weren't on air. But we were asked to submit some in advance. I suppose if they like your question they would tell YOU in advance but Martha doesn't have time for such silly things as rehearsals.


I can actually totally buy that she is doing these things herself. She grew up very middle class, and she learned how to do sewing, cooking, etc., from an early age. She knows what she's doing when she darns a sock, and I bet she wants things done "just so" - so it would be easier for her if she just did it herself.

If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend watching the biopic of her life, if for no other reason than it stars CYBILL FREAKIN' SHEPHERD!

chatty cricket

I love Martha with the firey passion of a thousand suns. Honest to goodness it nearly tore our family asunder when she reported for prison duty and my MIL wrote her off and then mercilessly mocked my Martha. She told me Martha was OVER and I respectfully disagreed and WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, LINDA?

I love Martha for all of the reasons you just listed. LOVE! And the Martha in my head not only bathes her cats herself, but also lectures Emily Post on the importance of proper cat grooming etiquette while doing it.

Also, FYI: I will be over promptly at 5:00 PM to eat Lucy up. Ok?


My entire day is going to be enhanced by the recurring thought of Martha Stewart bathing her cats. The last time I tried to give MY cat a bath, which was at least eight years ago, I nearly died of blood loss. So yeah, I'm sure she handles that task all on her own.

The mending also killed me. I'm going to hazard a guess that if something Martha owns needs mending, she probably pitches it into the fire and buys a new one.

jive turkey

Please do yourself a favor and watch Lindsay Lohan when she was a guest on the Martha Stewart show. I've honestly never seen Lindsay Lohan look intimidated by anyone, but you'd best believe she is watching her shit around Martha. RIVETING.



Soooo, you want the inside scoop?? My friend is one of Martha Stewart's assts... yes, I said ONE of them! I can get in touch with her and ask her if she REALLY does, in fact, vaccum under her own fridge! lol... very hard to believe, I agree!

Heather Lyman

I never comment, but I think this is your funniest post ever. I have read it until I cried!


ok - lurker - creepy i guess but I just have to say i feel exactly the same way about Martha and now want to subscribe to the dang mag to read that calendar!
great post!


OMG, we used to have to bathe our cat. Seriously. She was an elderly, tiny Burmese and I guess she had just given up on bathing? Anyway, she smelled funky sometimes. And my mom had "heard" somewhere that bathing the cat would help cut down on shedding and that was all good, since we had black cats and white furniture. (DESIGN FAIL.)

This poor cat. She hated it. But she put up with it. She was about six pounds soaking wet, so she knew she couldn't put up much of a fight. It was pretty pathetic to see her shivering in the sink and then cuddled up in towels. I believe we actually tried to BLOW DRY her fur, as well. No trauma there!

Then we got this other cat, another black cat, and he grew to be fifteen pounds. He was like the Mr. T of cats. My mom thought we should also bathe him. Yeah, that went well. Fifteen scratches later, water all over the kitchen, my mom decided that the cat could bathe himself as God intended.

All I'm saying is that if "Martha" has "cats" that allow themselves to be bathed, then those are some wimpy cats, man.


I also spend a good chunk of time reviewing her calendar and then wondering why I'm so obsessed with it, but I just can't believe she goes around the trims all of her hedges or plants her hundreds of thousands of tulips. She has people who have people who can do that, so come on Martha.

Loving Lucy! She is too cute!

Heidi T

I went to a taping with my mom and they took the questions right there and then, but we were pre-taping, so they could edit if someone asked an inappropriate question.

She went batshit when someone didn't have something prepared and she made alot of mistakes and kept making them reset.

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