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Tuesday, September 01, 2009



yikes, you ask questions that are definitely on my mind...my kids are 3 1/2 years and 11 1/2 months. i sometimes think i'll go back to school, but not sure for what. or what i want to do. so i keep putting off the thinking! i'm working on a photography business, but i think time will tell!


i don't have any babies yet, so i'll have to get back to you on that one. however, my mother wept and mourned, so i have a great personal example of what not to do.

Tonggu Momma

As a momma who just last week sent her only off to kindergarten... and who happens to be waiting in the never-ending China-adoption line (already three years plus, with at least an additional eight to twelve months of waiting to go)... this is something I ponder hourly. I am in limbo.


My former roommate/college bff is a hotshot lawyer working in some international peace capacity with the UN, and is living in the Gaza Strip for a year documenting human rights injustices. THE GAZA STRIP. And is also dating a Fabulous Older Man and wears shoes that cost as much as my mortgage payment. I get emails from her and I want to hang my head in shame. Even though I chose my life ETC. ETC. ETC. Not that I want to live in the freaking Gaza Strip, but you know. Man. I have no idea what I'm going to do when my kids are in SCHOOL let alone when they MOVE OUT. I think the panic will set in MUCH earlier.

C @ Kid Things

I'll probably be in the insane asylum. Whether that's before or after they're grown, I'm not sure.

In all seriousness, I'm actually kinda, sorta looking forward to going back to work once all my kids are in school. I guess I'll see how long that lasts once it happens.

Morgan S.

I have little ones AND a full-time outside the home job and I have NO IDEA when I will find a "career" that excites me....It mystifies me how people figure that stuff out and then go get their dream job!


I am permanently scared shitless about becoming that unneeded mother of grown babies. This is probably part of what propels me to work too much right now, doing things totally at odds with having kids. Current plans are to start a whole new career when the last kid finally hits grade school. Now THAT should provide some good distraction.

On a side note: the Duggars totally blow my mind.


Weep and mourn. I tried to elaborate but it comes off as totally pathetic. I'll try again when I have less wine in my system.


This is the first time in six years that I will have TWO MORNINGS A WEEK all to myself. The dudes will both be in school, and Emily will be in preschool.

I've stayed in my career (Accounting) about half-time and in the past two years done writing and photography on the side. When they're all in school I might just do more of the "fun" work.

I remember being in the stage where you are (because Emily is just turning three) and while I loved it at the time, I'm happy for their increased independence. You'll be (more than) fine.


I'm at the very beginnings of staying at home so the only thought I've given to after kids are in school is-- FREE TIME.

My mom though, stayed at home for years and years (like probably 20 some) with the 5 of us and then when my youngest sister was in high school she went back and got the degree she'd always wanted (English- she had one in business) and then went back to work. Although, the funny part is she went back to work doing what she did before, teaching high school business, not English.

Jennifer (Conversion Diary)

It's funny, I used to think about this a lot (especially when I thought we were done at one kid), but after my husband and I decided not to use contraception anymore and then subsequently realized we're not that great at Natural Family Planning, I've realized that I could very well be changing diapers when I'm almost 50...so I don't really have any plans for what it will be like when I don't have rugrats underfoot. :) The good news is that it's forced me to really optimize and learn how to make the best of life even with babies and toddlers around.

It's a great question though. I think that if I were in a situation where I didn't have little ones I'd write and hang out at bookstores all day, every day. And blog. (My ambition is inspiring, isn't it?)

Anyway, look forward to reading what others have to say.

Heidi T

I think life will never be the same as when you were fancy free - although our kids may grow up, everything you do will always be for them, or at least have them in mind at every step of the way.

Formerly Gracie

la la la la... huh? what? The future... Uhhhh, look! Shiny object!


Indianapolis, eh? I guess that means Luke and I will get to look bad, then, because Indy is where we live and last I checked, we weren't planning on building houses in Uganda anytime soon.

I know Luke thinks about this subject a lot. He's been a writer most of his adult life but likes the idea of branching out but isn't sure he wants to go back to school. Tough decisions, to be sure.


At least your "what-ifs" is slightly cheerier than mine - I keep thinking, "What do we do if husband DIES!" Lovely.

As to keeping busy. I keep trying to be a writer. Not going well, but when number 2 goes to school, I definitely have plenty to do. Pay is rubbish.


Just to prove how well that writing thing is going - I've filled the above with typos. ;)


I've thought about this in the event that I have a theoretical child (which I plan on staying home with until school age). Hopefully, I've gotten enough legal experience that it won't be too difficult for me to get back into the professional world. If we had a child, which wouldn't be for a few more years, I'd have 7 or 8 years of litigation experience. I'd never make partner, which is fine with me, but hopefully I'd be able to do something I didn't hate.


thanks for saying out loud the things i worry about but am to scared or too proud to say to anyone!!! as my two small children grow and become more independent, i can only hope i grow to find new purpose and significance in other things as well. because right now? it pretty much feels like my life's work involves a lot of poop and fisher price. and i don't mind, but there's a little naggy thought that reminds me i just might be losing myself...and i don't want to be that girl. sigh.


I think about this a lot these days since my girls (ages 5 and 3) start school next week (kindergarten and preschool). OK, it's not exactly full-time school yet, but I can see it on the horizon.

I have a Ph.D. and was a psychologist before quitting work to raise my babies. And we struggle financially with me not working. But I don't think I want to return to the career, despite all the debt and investment put into it. It's very stressful and a lot of responsibility. It's not work that you "leave at the office" at 5 p.m. I'm not sure what I'm going to do instead though.

I can almost see why people keep having babies, to avoid doing other things. I think that's fine, if it makes them happy and they can afford it. But I don't truly want a 3rd baby (I don't think). If we had enough money, I'd really love to be home full-time until they go to college. I would develop my writing career during the time the girls did not need me.


Eh. I'll go back to writing in some form, but realistically, it will probably be freelance. My sister, who is in no way the authority on everything, has said to me more than once that in some ways, it gets WORSE when the kids are in school. Yes, yes, you have your days free until they come home, but also, there are afterschool activities to be shuttled to, and homework to help with, and boy howdy, it just goes ON.

So, I don't know what I'll do, but I'm not that worried about it. I'm not even done HAVING my babies yet, and thus far, everything has worked out one way or the other.


1. I was so relieved when my brother and sister-in-law had babies, so I could stop worrying that our life was going to make them not want any.

2. Oh, I would change a thing or two. Yes I would. Like the poop WOULD be gold coins, or at least the BARF would be.

3. I think when the kids are all in school I'll get a lame job I hate with the school system, because that way my schedule will be the same and I won't have to die trying to arrange childcare for times when I have to work and they don't have school.

jive turkey

I have gone through this very thought process many times. I never really had a career pre-baby (I have a theatre degree and job-hopped through my 20s), and I'm still working, but it's not like I am or ever have been invested in this job. My baby's only 4.5 months old, and already I'm like "WHAT WILL I DO WHEN SHE DOESN'T NEED ME?!" And although I don't want THAT to be the reason we have more, I have to admit it's tempting.
(Nineteen is a bit much, though. JUST A BIT.)


I work full-time outside the home currently (in a career that I love), but when my youngest is in kindergarten (she's only 20 months old right now), I plan (hope) to go back to school and get a master's degree and possibly a PhD in Psychology. I'd love to get into academia and teach at the college level.

I kind of got thrown into parenting at an early age (23) - my son was a bit of a surprise. We'd planned to have kids eventually, but had to readjust the whole life course when he showed up, oh, 5 years or so early. You just learn to cope, I guess, but I could have written this post.


I'm 24, married for 3 years, and earning my master's in Counseling with an emphasis on the school setting. I'd like to get the degree, work for a couple of years as a school counselor, and then have a baby. By then my husband will have earned his masters as well. We've given this a lot of thought for a very long time, and school counseling is something I'm very passionate about that also lets me keep the same hours my kids will keep once they start school. When they get older I may leave the school setting and try counseling elsewhere. I'd like to work with our veterans someday. Anyway, because of my experience with my own mother, I'm very aware of what will happen if I dedicate my entire life to my children. I'm definitely planning ahead because of that.


Probably because i am a natural dilettante--i get interested in odd, esoteric things and learn all i can, then move on--i've always had a hard time sticking to one discipline. I majored in Psych, decided i wasn't cut out to be a therapist, got a Master's in English, and while i was encouraged to go on an get a PhD, i didn't think i had the discipline.

When my oldest was a toddler, i tried to go back to school to get my Master's in Library Science. I worked in a library (LOVED IT), but man, the classes just sucked the fun right out of being a librarian. It was all very dry and boring, and i decided i'd rather just work in a library without the degree.

Then our sitter went psychotic, and it was clear I couldn't trust anybody to watch my special snowflake, so I quit and stayed home. We started homeschooling, which is in itself a full time job, anyway.
Right now my main goal is raising thoughtful kids whose brains are not programmed by Disney, which is harder than you'd think.

When our kids are old enough to not rely on us anymore (college), my husband and I are going to learn to sail. Then we are going to buy a boat that we can live on and live on the water. Sailing into port for supplies, to volunteer in various ways and help others, but in general, living on the ocean. It's our pipe dream, and it probably sounds crazy, but we're thrilled by the very idea.

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