And the winner is!

Dude. DUDE.

Just... DUUUUUDE.

Reading through 122 comments about urination can get to you. Not in a bad way, more in a way where everywhere I go, I can't help but imagine that someone has probably peed there. Parking lots, grocery stores, playgrounds, THE CAR STOPPED NEXT TO ME AT A RED LIGHT... someone has already peed there or is currently peeing there, and it's entirely possible that the peeing they're doing is into a cup or a diaper or a jagged tin can.

Dumpsters? You peed there! Train tracks? Yes, there too! Off boats and porches and mountainsides? Uh huh! In the subway station? OF COURSE YOU DID.

My original intent was just to select a winner using a random number generator. Which I did, and which I can't figure out how to get a screenshot of (am very bad with technology can only type and press PUBLISH) but that is all to tell you that you'll just have to TRUST ME that the person who wins the three-pack of Go Girl devices fair and square is Parsing Nonsense! Erika, just email me and we'll figure something out. (That's code for “I'll get your mailing address and will use it in a responsible way.”)

But then I thought, GOODNESS, there were SO MANY OTHER GOOD PEE STORIES, so I decided we need to award someone a Go Girl for Best Pee. But how do we choose? I loved Heidi's story about her mom sliding down a highway on a frozen pee river, and MKate, who peed in a SUBWAY STATION, in the presence of ANOTHER PERSON (MKate, you are a brave one), and of course Nichole, whose drunken refusal to pee in a pool cost her her two front teeth and the subsequent $4500 required to fix them. But wait! There was also L in Texas, who has Medically Necessary pee emergencies and who once spent $59 for the privilege of using a toilet and Becky, whose pee dripped through her parents' ceiling, and daysgoby who peed in a field in the dead of night and was subsequently inappropriately touched by a cow.

And of course, Karen, if we do this again and have poop stories, I THINK YOU MAY BE A CONTENDER.

I thought about holding a vote, but it was mentioned so many times by other commenters that I have to assume that if we held one, Heidi T would win it. So Heidi T? Email me! I'm sending you a Go Girl, too. You may keep it or give it to your mom. Send me a photo of that touching moment should it occur.

Thanks for participating, everyone. That was a really entertaining week. We'll do it again as soon as I find another product that's worthwhile enough! (Suggestions always welcomed, just email me.)

Comments

[Shannon]

OK, I missed the contest, but reading the entries reminded me of my own story (and yes, I realize I am probably oversharing, and without even the promise of a prize). Like many others, we were stuck in traffic for HOURS. Blizzard in the Sierras, pass was closed, so we were stopped, along with thousands of others. When we started crawling again, the only gas station (and bathroom) for many miles was closed because their toilets broke from the traffic and I was about to die. My parents kindly offered to pull over to the side of the road. Several problems: it was nighttime with no lights, there was three feet of snow on the ground, and there was nowhere to actually GO. I climbed over the snowbank, over the guardrail (could have been standing on the edge of a cliff, for all I knew), staring into the headlights of oncoming traffic and let it rip. Sweet, sweet relief. Very happy I did not die, either.

[alisha]

I missed out on the contest as well, but I don't really have any good pee stories anyway. But I thought I'd mention that years ago I ran across a website that gave instructions on how women can pee standing up without any nifty aid. I think I'd prefer the nifty aid. :)

[Heidi T]

I would like to thank the academy... oh wait - wrong award. I am glad my mom's story amused you. She happens to be here with me now and we have people over, so I got to tell that story to even more people to tell my mom that she helped me win a contest. As you can well imagine, she truly appreciates how many people now know that story.

[Parsing Nonsense]

Weeeeeeeeee! (And I do mean that literally) I'm so excited to be the randomest person to have been assigned a number in this contest! Thanks, Emily!

[Cary Aunt]

Another contest...I can't wait to see what your brother's mother-in-law is out shopping for this week!

[daysgoby]

What great responses you had! I'm trying not to laugh too loudly - the kids will wake up, the husband wonder what's going on - but boy it's hard!!!

[Surge]

Ahaha, awsome. I just read all the pee stories and I was late but I just want to say:
Once I got drunk with a whole bunch of friends at a beach, and a few of them biked home, some took the train and me and this one girl had to take the bus. Mind you, we were already soaked and very drunk and sandy so we looked like hobo's already.

So anyways, we had bikes too but we just couldn't ride them back because we would've gotten lost, all of sudden this girl I'm with has to pee really bad.. and I'm just as drunk as her but apparently she's a bit further gone than I am. So all of a sudden I hear her peeing while standing up and she's just giggling. Woww, we had to transfer buses and ended up seeing our friends again.. they honestly thought we were random homeless' people now we smelt like pee :S

[Sarah Dillon]

My name is Sarah Dillon and I am President of GoGirl. I have to say that the stories are just ridiculous, amazing and hilarious! These stories and the women behind them are why we made our product and why we have such a great fan base behind out product and concept.

I just wanted to say thank you once again, and offer you a $1 off coupon code for those of you who don't win the contest. Just enter 'ACTIVEGIRL' at checkout for $1 off your GoGirl order.

Please don't hesitate to contact us if you have anny questions or comments via email (sarah@go-girl.com) or via Twitter http://twitter.com/Go_Girls

Best,

Sarah Dillon

[Julie]

Just wanted to say, I'm glad Heidi won the Best Pee award - I laughed so hard at that story!!

[Random]

Oh, my goodness! I think I'm going to start buying ridiculous products and sending them to you to give away, just so that I can read more of these stories.

Incidentally - this is not MY pee story - but we lived in Austria when I was a child, and my mother decided that my three-year-old brother looked OH SO CUTE in little lederhosen.
Yeah.
Until he decided to pee in the OH SO CUTE lederhosen. Those things cannot be washed, so they were ruined. The saddest part, though, was that he had no change of clothes. A magical combination... a hot day, a complaining toddler, and peed-in leather pants.

[reen]

Yay, I was rooting for Heidi, I'm still cracking up at that story. Thanks for the contest, Emily, and thanks for the code, Sarah!

[emmusuh]

I can't believe I missed the pee contest!!! 3/4 of my life is spent peeing, and the remainder of time is spent in pain from needing to pee or finding a place to pee. I have some hella good stories, including doubled over in pain while wandering through the Undeground in London, lost and looking for a place to pee, and another night going on a drunken walk and me stopping to pee in someone's yard, in a church parking lot, and on campus. I'm a winner.

[Trish]

We had a woman stop her car in front of our house, drop her pants and pee in our front yard. My work-at-home husband happened to see this and promptly yelled at her. She very casually finished, pulled up her pants, and drove off. Weirdest thing ever in the lives of Trish and Jon. We will not share this with the realtor when we decide to sell. :)