Riding the rails

We took Asher to ride Thomas the Tank Engine on Saturday.

Before I had kids, I could never have imagined that I would enjoy spending an entire day watching one of them immerse himself in something I've never found the tiniest INKLING of pleasure in. Oh, ok, so I actually used to get a lot of pleasure out of using a Metro Orange Line car as my own personal Nap Capsule, but that hardly falls into the same category as Asher's ongoing, all-consuming obsession with trains. While we're on the subject, I feel I should add that the Nap Capsule failed me more times than I can even begin to count; in the two years that I rode public transportation to work, I probably slept through my stop somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 times. Once I even continued sleeping while the train was about to be pulled out of the station and OUT OF SERVICE FOR THE NIGHT. There were announcements being made over the intercom and people scrambling past me to get off and THE LIGHTS WERE OFF and yet the only thing that woke me up was a little bitty Asian woman who saw me through the window, and who stopped and pounded on it with her little bitty fists while admonishing me loudly in a thick accent, “YOU WANT TO GO OUT OF SERVICE?”

Gah, I could do an entire post about riding public transportation. About the time I got to work with someone else's footprints on my back; about the time I rode home with bloodied hands and knees (it's the best way to get a seat to yourself, LET ME TELL YOU); about the time that guy tried to pick me up by asking me if I had the time while I was standing directly underneath an ENORMOUS digital clock. Let me know if you desire that post and I will gladly comply.

So anyway, there we are at Thomas the Train. The museum was beautiful and the weather was comfortable and Asher was just as interested in the real, actual trains displayed around the property as he was the ones with giant googly eyes and uptight British names and that made me happy. And it was supposed to be this magical experience getting to ride Thomas, and I know Asher had no idea, but I couldn't help but laugh as we lined up to board the train and saw that this was nothing more than a fake engine (a second engine would be doing the actual work) pulling commuter cars decorated with crepe paper streamers and pictures of cartoon trains. At approximately three miles an hour.

I could have RUN faster than old Thomas moved. Perhaps though, the speed at which we traveled was just to make it easy for us to take in all of the gorgeous scenery around us.

Like this trash heap!

And these old rusted train cars!

And this giant pile of rotting logs!

A barbed wire fence!

Some delightful graffiti!

OMG, HONESTLY. Thirty minutes of crawling along and staring out the window at Baltimore's Finest Neighborhoods. And this didn't occur to me when we bought the tickets, but once you're on the train and sitting in your seats? Your kid can't SEE Thomas anymore and therefore, your kid doesn't actually CARE anymore that you're even ON a train, and your kid wants OFF THE TRAIN and wants to see more LEGO TRAINS and you'll just have to hand over the entire bag of trail mix and watch him methodically pick out every chocolate chip and M&M just so he'll stay quiet and stop flailing about with boredom all over your lap.

The only other really amusing thing was that there was a display (albeit a mindbogglingly awesome display) at the event by an organization called the Washington, DC Metro Area LEGO Train Club. Basically, it's a group of people who love trains, and also LEGOs, and they get together and build unbelievably complicated and fantastic train displays. From LEGOs. I mean, the finished product was crazy amazing, and I can honestly tell you that I normally don't really care for LEGOs OR trains. But Dave and I were laughing about the marriage of two things I never would have thought could generate interest TOGETHER, you know? Like, how many people are really out there with an equal passion for small plastic blocks and model railroads?

Enough, apparently, to put together this:

Anyway, it was a good day, and even though someone threw the World's Saddest Slash Angriest Tantrum when we left, we decided to make the best of it and eat lunch at the Inner Harbor and after we ate and had walked around a bit, I popped Asher into the stroller and made him laugh by running after some pigeons but the fun ended when I stopped abruptly and accidentally threw him onto his face on the pavement in front of a big crowd of people and then we paid $17 to get out of the parking garage even though we'd only left the car there for 66 minutes. THE END.

Comments

[Elizabeth]

Dude, I so want to hear the "Emily rides public transportation" stories.
Also, your tour of Baltimore's finest neighborhoods reminds me of our halloween hayride last year - it was on this decrepit farm, and Mr. E kept loudly announcing "It's like a tractor drawn tour of dairy mismanagement!" Fun times, fun times.

[Diane]

Put me down as another "Yes" to the public transportation post. I don't know if funny things just happen to you, or if you're just really good at finding the humor in every day things. Either way, more please.

[Vanessa]

Yes, public transportation post please! And, I am glad you experienced this. I've thought about taking my son on the Thomas the Train ride but it also never occurred to me that once we are in it he wouldn't see it and realize we were riding Thomas. Good to know. I'll save the money.

[NGS]

I heart public transportation stories. I have many of them myself (drunks! puke! strange men hitting on you! traffic accidents! - all right here on your city's best buses and trains!).

Legoland at the Mall of America is just like that picture. It's Legos. Making lots of things, including balloons and trains and spacemen. I stare in wonder every time. (Yes, I go there a lot. It's my mall. Are you jealous? Well, don't be. I live in Minnesota.)

[andrea]

You just solidified my decision not to fork over the $$ when Thomas heads our way later this summer.

Please share more of your commute stories, this was too much of a teaser.

[Parker_B]

I would love to hear about your public transportation shenanigans. For lack of a better way to put it, you are so effing funny! Love this blog.

[alisha]

I've been riding public transportation for almost two years and have maybe two good stories. Maybe it's different in Europe. (I'm in Austria.) And poor Asher! Thrown out of this stroller to do a face plant into the pavement. And poor you, doing that in front of so many people!

[Serena from Italy]

I want more too! More stories please! You're too funny and I really enjoy reading your blog!
I'm still laughing thinking at how you must have felt with all those people watching you while you stopped the stroller and Asher fell down... Btw, I hope he didn't get hurt! :)

[GirlHouse]

I so want to hear about your Orange Line adventures!!
Soooo, how embarrassed were you when A feel out of the stroller???

[Lisa M]

Yep, we decided the Thomas event will be an every other year kinda thing. I only have so much patience.

But my company has their annual Christmas party at the train museum every year (in the roundhouse), and it's so beautifully decorated.

Add me to the "more nap capsule stories" list.

[chatty cricket]

The fact that you dumped Asher out of the stroller and onto the ground made me chuckle.

But not because I'm a Mean Awful Lady.

Because we took all three kids to the Aquarium not too long ago and I HORRIFIED Mister by wheeling him over to the stroller to see the seagulls and then left him there all defenseless while I backed up about three feet to take pictures. Problem? Mister had a bagel and the seagulls at the Aquarium are of an apparently aggressive breed and began to creep up on him while I snapped picture after picture and he did his best Tippy Hedren impression.

But really, the views from the train? You should frame those for Asher's room. Exquisite.

[Katie]

I have honestly never been on public transpertation (grew up in and i am still living in Toledo, oh..what fun!) I would LOVE to hear some stories!!

[chirky]

Speaking of trains and legos, I happen to be married to a man who would DROOL to be a part of that club. We actually have a LEGO CLOSET, taking up PRECIOUS CLOSET SPACE, and it is filled with Legos. I think he could have built that entire room of train sets with everything we have. And then maybe a giant WELCOME! sign outside of the display. With tiny little Lego people ushering in the visitors.

[Tara]

I will add my vote of support for your public transportation stories. :)

Sorry the Baltimore Thomas ride was so, um, not terribly pretty. When my son was 2, I took him to ride Thomas at Tweetsie Railroad in NC (I have family an hour away, thus free lodging), and that train ride isn't so bad. Mountain forest scenery, with a stop for a dumb cowboys-and-Native Americans skit (save the train from the savages!). Since Tweetsie's an (admittedly sorta low rent & worn-out) amusement park, there's a lot of other stuff to do there, too.

We're going back this year, now that Dylan is 4--I think he'll get a lot more out of it this time around.

[Becky]

Mental note: avoid public transportation with children.

Check and check.

[holly]

We did the same thing on Saturday morning and my 4 year old son and a girl his age spent the entire train ride looking out the window yelling, "Tire! Tire! Garbage! Tire!"

Everything else was great except that when my son turned in his stamped map for a prize, all he got was an 8x11 poster with 3D glasses. He was beyond disappointed.

Loved the museum, though.

[Danielle]

Would LOVE to hear your Orange Line stories. We lived in Vienna for a year or so back in the 90's. I was in 6th grade then, but I remember my mom telling me all of her Metro stories. Ahhhh, memories.

[Manda]

OHMYSTARS that last bit made me laugh so hard!! My stomach!! HAAAA!!

[Christina]

OMG, this is hilarious. We were on that same exact Thomas Ride 2 weeks ago!! And I can tell you we were on the same side of the train you were on with the lovely display's of graffiti oh and the random police that were on patrol as we chugged about -3 miles per hour.
I just remember my MIL telling me we should have sat on the left side of the train because we would have seen the golf course instead :)

Too funny!

[Emily]

Ah well, at least you didn't dump your NEWBORN baby out of the infant carseat/carrier thing in front of a group of horrified actors. Fortunately it was onto carpet and she was fine, but still.

Please, please tell your public transportation stories!

[Karen]

I have a wonderful public transportation story of my own. It involves a group of naive 15 year old American high school girls in Paris, the Metro, and a pervert.

Yeah, the Thomas train thing is a RACKET. We took our oldest to that, and first he was freaked out by the sheer SIZE of the Thomas face on the train. (Who wouldn't be?) And yep, when they're in the train, riding on Thomas, which is the whole point, they're asking, "Where's Thomas?"

Screw that, is what I'm saying. Our younger kids have had to be content with Thomas DVDs and a train set.

[Cathryn]

I WANT TRAIN SLEEPING STORIES.

[Heather]

I want baby pictures!

[Kate]

We were there on the same day...my husband and I laughed and laughed at the MARC train cars. My 2 yo reached over the edge of the plexiglass at the Lego train display (my husband was holding him) and grabbed a boat with the speed and accuracy of a cobra.

Good times...

[Parsing Nonsense]

I don't know what I'm laughing about more, the idea of coming home with footprints on your back or the sad sad image of poor Asher going flying in front of a huge crowd of people...