We are more of a Luvs family, but the good news is that Luvs are just low-rent Pampers.

A couple of months ago, an email arrived in my inbox from Pampers, inviting me to a Blogger Day event at Proctor & Gamble headquarters in Cincinnati. I had never been to a corporate blogging event, and I didn't know who else had been invited or whether I would know anyone else going, and I didn't own a single pair of pants that would qualify as Business Casual. But I accepted immediately, because it sounded interesting and also because there was the promise of a king-sized Westin Heavenly bed with my name on it, and as far as I knew, there would be no crying babies in Ohio who needed me to get up with them seven times a night.

In other words, a whole night of uninterrupted sleep? In a king-sized bed? WITH SHEETS THAT I DID NOT PERSONALLY WASH AND REPLACE? Where do I sign? And can I do it in Sharpie? With all capital letters?

Unfortunately for me, I screwed that up because I went and made FRIENDS in Ohio, and stayed up until 1am talking and laughing with them and pretending I was cool enough to be there even though I'm the only person left in America without an iPhone.

It was so nice to see Susan again, even though she has more style in her little finger than I do in my whole entire body and standing next to her makes me rethink everything I'm wearing a million times over and then sweat through it. I would like to go ahead and say right now that Susan's kids have the absolute WORST LUCK EVER when it comes to getting sick or getting their teeth knocked out, so when you hear Swine Flu has hit Oklahoma, you can bet it's in Susan's house. Which is totally unfair, because Susan is just about the nicest person on the entire planet. (And she looks adorable in a hairnet.) (Here's Susan's post about the trip, and a very non-adorable photo of me in a hairnet.) (Susan's post is what I wish I had written; she's way better at wrapping things up into a nice little readable package than I am.)

I had loads of fun with Melissa, too. I've read Melissa's blog for years and I just knew if I could meet her ONCE that I could make her fall in love with me. And you know what? IT HAPPENED SO NATURALLY. I expected Melissa to be more of an eye-roller, but it turns out she's sweet and charming and very witty and spent an entire hour at dinner making jokes about Salma Hayek being tiny enough to fit into a pair of Underjams. And I know, that doesn't sound funny to you, but it was SO UNBELIEVABLY FUNNY at the time, like, funny enough that I suspect we may have been becoming a bit of a spectacle, and I swear, I'd only had two glasses of wine at that point. (Here's Melissa's post about the trip.)

I cannot say enough nice things about Asha, who you know by reading her site is unbelievably smart. What you can't know by reading is that she is the most well-spoken, thoughtful, contemplative person. She is patient and she thinks through what she's going to say and she LISTENS to what you say and then she replies with this incredible insight. And she does it every single time she opens her mouth. I don't have a People I Admire and Want To Be When I Grow Up list, but if I started one, Asha would be at the top, and also tied for second and third place. When I talk in public, it's just words blobbing out and the spewage of stupid phrases and half the time I don't make any sense, which is why I WRITE IT DOWN HERE. Asha, though, she just ROLLS WITH IT. Whatever she says sounds eloquent. Also, she's beautiful and even when she is forced to roll out of bed and directly into a cab to the airport, she takes the time to brush her teeth. In contrast, I would totally just cheat with mint gum. Because I believe in shortcuts and Asha clearly believes in doing things the right way. She deserves every accolade she's ever garnered.

And the only dude there was Matt. You know who Matt is, right? Matt was recently in the presence of Oprah, and he still smelled like hundred-dollar bills and cocker spaniels. Oh, ok, ok, so it turns out that Matt is a really nice guy, and totally grounded and humble and he actually got invited to LUNCH with Salma Hayek and by Salma Hayek HER VERY SELF, and after I found that out I felt a little bit of remorse for thinking of her in Underjams because obviously she's a celebrity who is Just! Like! Us! At one point in our tour of the Pampers facility, they showed us a giant diaper prototype they'd made for some reason that I can't remember anymore (that part of my brain is still dumbfounded by how enormous that diaper was, and there is no room for remembering the details of why it even exists) and do you know how badly I wanted to see Matt try on that diaper? You know, to bring him back down to our level from his current status as Internet God With Handfuls of Female Suitors. (Just kidding Matt.) (Well, kind of.) Matt shared a few opportunities that might be coming his way soon, and I've never met anyone who was less impressed by the idea of fame. Whatever decisions he makes, he considers his daughter's needs first. That much was obvious.

Now, because this was my very first Corporate Blogging Function, I had no idea what to expect or whether it would feel pushy and contrived or pointless and annoying. It turns out, I had a GREAT time with the people of Pampers, and not just because I met other fun bloggers, but because the people who work at Pampers are really great people. I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes and muttering about agendas and corporate brainwashing, but it was so not like that. I don't always have the best sense of character (case in point: COLLEGE BOYFRIEND), but I really felt like these people were genuinely committed to their product and to their company, even if you happen to feel that disposable diapers are Satan's garbage. (Which? I DON'T. I'll just go ahead and say it. I USE DISPOSABLE DIAPERS. And I LIKE them.) Many MANY of the people we met had been at the company for more than 10 years; several had been there for more than 20. Twenty years! Who stays at a company for twenty years anymore? I never stayed anywhere for more than TWO. I was really impressed by that and really astounded at the dedication these people had to their company. Something is going right at P&G.

My favorite part of the two days was the tour of the Pampers Baby Care facility. I was FASCINATED. They showed us their testing rooms for new products, where they invite moms and their babies in to try out prototypes and new designs. They showed us some of the tests they run on diapers, using the infamous Blue Liquid they use in commercials (I wanted to pose with it but was not allowed to take pictures in the room). They showed us where they HAND-MAKE prototype diapers (takes about 15 minutes to make one start to finish) and we were able to have an interactive Q&A with several VPs and executives; we were allowed to ask them whatever we wanted, and the discussion ranged from heated opinions on cloth diapers to Twitter accounts to biodegradability and landfill usage and composting. They were candid and informative and when they didn't know an answer off the tops of their heads, they admitted it. The day FLEW by, and not just because I was sitting next to Melissa who was playing with the mStache app on her phone.

My only regret about the trip was that I didn't speak up more. In my defense, I didn't know what to expect before I arrived, and I'm much more of a thinker and writer than I am verbal, so it was hard for me to pipe up and convey my thoughts without sounding like a complete idiot. If I could have TWITTERED IT and had someone read it aloud? Well, that might have worked. It's just the way I'm wired. I feel like I was a bit of a disappointment in that respect; that I was too quiet and too reserved during discussion periods. But that's why I chose to blog in the first place; the written word suits me best.

Also regrettable: Had to use Charmin in their bathrooms. *shakes fist* Stupid butt-wiping bears!

Comments

[-R-]

It sounds like you had a lot of fun, if nothing else. Really, the mustache picture makes the whole trip worth it, I think.

So really, what is the difference between Luvs and Pampers?

[Emily]

-R-,
That was my question too! The answer they gave me was that Luvs don't absorb quite as much. Hence the thinner/cheaper feel.

[kirida]

Sounds like you had a good time! I'm afraid of that mustache app, though. I fear that's a kind of power I can't rein in once unleashed.

[H]

I think of you every time I see those stupid butt-wiping bears!

[natalie]

Hate the bears. Haaattteee.

[Becky]

Those bears make my nether regions twitch. And not in a good way.

[Kate]

I hate the bears too..but I also HATE luvs and LOVE pampers :)

[Carrisa]

Ok, but what I really want to know is... did you get any free samples of Chewable Pampers?

[Manda]

Fun!! I wish someone would pay me to stay in a hotel. Sigh. Also? That is so cool that you met Matt!! I secretly (ok so it's not a secret NOW) hope that I run into him around here somewhere so I can tell him that he's doing a great job with Maddy.
This comment would be longer but I'm off to download that mStache thingie OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO COOL!
(p.s. get an iPhone they are sooooooo awesome)

[GirlHouse]

We use disposables and we like them!! I do not have the time, energy or want to deal with cloth

[Kimberly]

How did you get asked to go? Is it because you write this blog or because of Parents.com?

[Trilby]

I use Huggies. They are the ONLY diapers that haven't leaked all over the place when my boys wear them.

Pampers always came apart and leaked that absorbent gel onto Kelton's butt. Talk about NASTY! Luvs just smell funny to me.

To each their own, but I'ma stick with my Huggies!

[colleen]

Pampers are the best - trust me I have tried them all. ALways go back to pampers.

[auntie]

did you at least get to give them your opinion on the stupid bears? cuz even tho you were really there to talk about diapers, i'm thinking the Charmin in the bathroom makes it open for discussion.

[Melissa]

I love charmin, but hate the bears and their stupid dingleberries!!

Its awesome you got to meet Matt, he seems like a cool guy!

[Parsing Nonsense]

This sounds like just the right kind of trip, with new friends and lots of fun outings. So glad you were able to get away for a bit. I was curious about why you were at a hotel (from your Twitter updates) but now I know :)

[Sarah]

I've been reading Matt's blog for a while - that's how I found you. I don't know about eloquencey or all that, but I was laughing out loud reading so far! And if I ever get the chance to meet Matt I'll never be able to resist sniffing him.