Packing a hospital bag is IMPOSSIBLE.

So I’m working on packing my hospital bag. Well, okay, so I’m working on packing my hospital bag in between some other marginally useful things, like making decorative clothespins and alphabetizing the refrigerator magnets and contemplating making a batch of cookies that I have all the ingredients for except that I made a batch of those same cookies last year and they turned out something TERRIBLE, so I don’t exactly know why I feel the need for a do-over except that perhaps I have some sort of Something To Prove neurosis going on, in which case MAYBE THAT’S ALSO WHY I’M HAVING A SECOND CHILD. (Actually, no. The first one is pretty decent, so it can’t be that.)

Anyway, it would seem that someone who put together The World’s Biggest Hospital Packing List and then officially delivered a child in a hospital where she stayed for five entire days would have some idea what she should put in her bag. And I do, actually. Except it turns out that now I remember why I never packed my bag the LAST time I was pregnant, and the reason is because I’m CURRENTLY USING EVERYTHING I PLAN TO TAKE WITH ME. Everything except the baby clothes, because there is no baby here on which to put them. DUH.

I can’t pack my ACTUAL toiletries, because I suspect that sometime in the next four weeks I’m going to be needing them. I don’t know, maybe it would be nice to smell like BO at the Christmas Eve service? But I decided that out of everything I SHOULD pack in the event that I go into labor early or (GOD FORBID) am sent directly from a doctor’s appointment to the hospital, toiletries are the most difficult to round up or send a husband home for, since there are so many different little things I need to bring, so I invested in some travel sizes today at Target. One thing I do remember from the last time I was in the hospital was that I had so much difficulty just standing upright at the sink to brush my teeth that I didn’t care whether I was using my FAVORITE brand of toothpaste or not, only that I wasn’t brushing them with dish soap or zit cream. Ditto for my shampoo and conditioner and face wash and WHATEVER ELSE: I was in a lot of pain, and yet I was also disgustingly greasy, and so the only two things I really cared about were 1) getting all the necessary cleansing processes over with so that 2) I could get back in my Craftmatic adjustable bed and comfort myself by cramming another sleeve of Ritz crackers into my mouth. (I had to dust Asher’s head off a lot, because of all the Ritz fallout. They’re very crumbly, you know.)

So I’ve got toiletries covered, except that I want to buy two new toothbrushes, because… well, I don’t really know, exactly, except that having a shiny new toothbrush sounds like a nice thing to have in the hospital. (The second toothbrush is for Dave, because I am thoughtful.) Beyond toiletries, I’ll need some clothes to come home in. Which will be maternity clothes, because I will still be very, very fat, and very incisiony, and possibly swollen to the size of a parade balloon. But again, maternity clothes JUST SO HAPPEN to be the kinds of clothes I am wearing RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT, since I am at the tail end of this thing they call PREGNANCY, and I am down to exactly two pairs of pants, three t-shirts and a sweater. Frankly, I am not sure which of those I should be putting into a bag at this point, because what the hell am I going to put on myself if I cram 50 percent of my wardrobe into a suitcase? A suitcase that just sits there?

And then there are things that fall into the category of OTHER. Camera? USING IT. Cell phone? USING IT. Cell phone charger? USING IT (sometimes). Pillow? Laptop? Slippers? ALL UNPACKABLE AT CURRENT MOMENT, thank you for asking.

Really, other than socks, nursing/non-underwire bras, a bath towel and snacks for Dave and myself after delivery, there is absolutely NOTHING ELSE I can pack until either my water breaks (HA! unlikely) or until the night before my surgery, which I don’t want to really talk about yet, because the anxiety I feel about the night BEFORE surgery could make for an extensive post all by itself. (HOW DO PEOPLE SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE THEY KNOW THEY’RE HAVING A BABY? HUH HUH HUH HUH???)

I mean, honestly. When they tell us to pack a bag, what exactly do they want us to put in it? I am being COMPLETELY SERIOUS here. I honestly cannot imagine being able to pack a bag and have it ready to go without a moment’s hesitation. I need to use almost everything I need to put in it. Doesn’t everyone else?

Comments

[Megan]

I know I'm no help, but I'm the kind of person who has two of everything. My big fear is that I'll run out of deoderant, so I always stock up.

I actually didn't pack until a few days before my induction. Fun!

[Michelle]

Amen! I'm facing the same thing! I packed a bag and then on top of the bag is a list of all the things that I can't put in the bag, things that I'll be screaming at my husband to round up before we leave for the hospital. Which reminds me, could we please go NOW? I can't sleep, have constant contractions that don't "qualify" me to go the hospital and have officially slipped into the "I'm insane and should not be held accountable for anything I do or say." Get this boy out!

[Karen]

I've packed three hospital bags. And yes, it's hard because you're using most of what you're going to be taking, but for what it's worth, here are my tips:

1. Go buy some clothes to pack. Or buy some new clothes and pack the old ones. If you can get through the next few weeks with just a couple of pairs of pants, three shirts and a sweater, then you're good. I also bought socks to wear in the hospital, and packed them.

2. Each night, and i know this seems OCD, but I have a touch of that, I would place my charger and phone right next to my bag. Also the camera would go in my bag, and any other things I used but might want to take to the hospital. That way if my water broke (ha, unlikely for me too) in the middle of the night, we'd just grab, stuff the phone in there, and go.

3. My husband also got into the act; every night he would pack the laptop we were taking, and the CDs I wanted, into a bag. Then every morning he would get them back out.

As for sleeping the night before, I have been induced twice and I really did just sleep the nights before. Sure, I went to bed late because I was busy packing and repacking, making sure my birth ball was in the trunk and everything was set up for the sitter/grandparents, but I slept pretty well. I think your brain remembers that last time you had a baby, you didn't get a lot of sleep for a while, so it wants to stock up.

[Carrie]

I finished my bag last weekend, and I went out and got travel sizes of stuff like shampoo/conditioner/soap/toothpaste, and then got a backup of my deoderant and face wash. It's stuff I will know I will need eventually, so it won't go to waste if I don't use it all in the hospital. That way I could avoid scrambling at the last second trying to find anything. I also only packed two pajama pants and two shirts, since I plan to be wearing the hospital gown most of the time. So I just found oversized tshirts I knew I would be ok with not wearing for the next few weeks (even though like you, I'm down to the wire with clothes that fit). Hopefully you have at least one shirt you can part with for those last few weeks!

[AmyH]

I didn't sleep well the night before my scheduled c-section with my second child. With my first child, her c-section was unplanned and happened only after I was at a doctor's appointment the week after she was due. So I didn't have my suitcase or ANYTHING because I wasn't expecting to have a baby that day.
With my second, it was weird to know the exact date and time we were going to have him because that was a new experience. The night before felt an awful lot like the night before Christmas. You HOPE Santa is going to bring you some really great toys but you don't know for sure what will end up under the tree.
We sent our oldest (the ripe age of 20 months) to stay with my parents because we had to be at the hospital at 7am. I wanted to be up and showered and put on make-up because the last time I looked like total ass. (ps, the make-up didn't help this time either. what with all the drugs they gave me and CUTTING they did).

So I would say that you can anticipate the night before your scheduled delivery to feel a lot like the night before Christmas.

[Carrie]

All I packed for me (besides the toiletry stuff) was a nursing bra and nursing pads. I just wore home what I had worn in. And wore the hospital gown during my stay. oh, and I took slippers.

As for how you sleep the night before- see if your doctor will give you two Ambien. I got sent home after a failed induction and the doctor asked if I wanted some sleeping pills for the night before the next attempt. I love that doctor all most as much as the epidural man. Benadryl doesn't really help overcome that kind of nervousness. You need your rest that night.

[Dorie]

I made a detailed list of everything to pack later and went over it with my husband. It satisfied the must-be-prepared part of me.

Also, with my second baby/delivery, I bought a new pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt in my estimated postpartum size to pack in my suitcase so it was done. I was going to need them anyway.

[bethany]

I feel your pain. My c-section's scheduled for next tuesday. It took false labor a few days ago to get us to pack a bag and install the car seat. I have some old hotel samples I tossed in a toiletries bag, and am missing the maternity sweats I packed because, like you, I'm down to the last of the maternity clothes I can actually fit into! At least you've been through this once before! (my first time) Good luck. Love your blog!

[Alishia]

"HOW DO PEOPLE SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE THEY KNOW THEY’RE HAVING A BABY?" Answer: fitfully, yet jealously slurping up every last moment of uninterrupted slumber.

[Meaghan]

I'm working on mine right now. I am going to pack maternity pants that I'm not currently wearing to come home in and I was at Old Navy last night and they had some tshirts for 1.99 that I picked up. I'll just pack trial size stuff for shampoo and hair conditioner and then have a list of the things that I'm using to be grabbed when we need it. Over the years I've somehow accumulated extra slippers and I might buy a robe or something to go over my gown, but plan on wearing mostly the hospital stuff. And I just threw the makeup I don't wear that often into a bag too.

[Shannon]

I didn't sleep at all the night before my c-section. But that's because I went into labour at midnight. Gah! But I wasn't entirely sure at first and by the time I was sure it was 7 hours later. The good news was I got to have the surgery earlier in the day than originally planned! Yay!

[Kristin]

I must have missed a post somewhere because I didn't know you were having a c-section! You'll be fine and won't feel a thing. The recovery is a little tougher since it takes longer to get out of bed, but at least you don't have a sore hoo-ha for weeks.
I just want to make sure I have some really comfy PJs. I ended up staying in the hospital for a week with my first and it was nice to have my own comfortable clothes.
Also, we just found out that we are also having a girl. Yay, a matching set! I've already bought pink! :)

[Kate]

I just packed mine. I'm due right around the same time as you, but I'm still wishing and praying for a December baby. Thankfully, I am a spaz who never uses the last of my makeup before I buy more, so I have sample type sizes of my cosmetics to pack away. Same with toiletries. I bought socks and underwear today, and I rarely use my camera or anything, so there you guy. I also taped an EXTREMELY detailed list to my fridge for my husband (think along the lines of "gray, slightly worn pajama pants, top drawer, motherhood maternity tag" If I didn't do this, I'd end up with a pair of his sweats and stiletto heels.) I packed the books that I've read a thousand times, cuz I figure they're easy and entertaining, and all that's left is deliberating over the baby's coming home outfit.

[kbreints]

Yep-- pack the stuff that you are not using. Buy yourself new travel toiletries... and a new night gown-- b/c hospital ones SUCK... and all those incedental things someone can bring after you haev had the baby... everything BUT the camera. Make sure you have that!!

[Kelly]

My birth-teacher-lady told us to pack "a tennis ball in a sock". She never explained why.

I always figured it was for my husband to brain me with if things got too intense.

[Newt]

Exactly! I'm 35 weeks, and thinking it's time to get on that bag thing, and this just hit me yesterday. I am not a person who keeps extra slippers around. And I'm not about to do without my favorite pants for up to seven more weeks. No way.

I'm glad someone poked a hole in this ludicrous bag-packing fiction. I ain't packing nothing until I see some contraction action. No way.

[Jackie]

I packed pj's and then just wore home what I wore there.

[Hilary]

These are such good points. I am totally intrigued, however, by the tennis ball in a sock story- wtf?!

[Robbi]

This post made me laugh because I went through this last month knowing my daughter was due on Nov. 6th. I packed baby clothes and socks for me, but other than that.. I just wasn't able to pack up my shampoo, make up, etc. I did pack both the digital camera and video camera, and ended up taking them out to use and packing them back up at least 5 times. Annoying! Luckily my water broke when I was at home on a day off from work, so I was able to pack up my stuff just before heading to the hospital.

[Penny]

I packed a lot of crap last time, and I hated lugging it around. This time: toiletries (I have a fully-stocked bag always ready), baby outfit, camera, nursing bra and lansinoh cream for the nips.

That's it! Anything else I'm sure husband can go home and get later if needed.

The camera is the only thing I can't pack until it's getting close.

[nonsoccermom]

Good points, I felt the same way.

And to answer (one of) your questions, people DO NOT sleep the night before they know they are having a baby.

[AJU5's Mom]

I got a lot of hand-me-downs from my sister. I didn't wear a large portion of it while pregnant, but I found the belly panel pants perfect for after my c-section. My little one (8+ lbs) spent a week in the hospital on antibiotics, so I had to get dressed less than a week post-partum. So, if you have any or can get some REALLY cheap, they might be worth it for going home...

[Swistle]

1. I can't really pack a bag, either. I end up living out of it for the last couple weeks. I usually buy seconds of deodorant and face powder and the other Absolute Essentials, because I know I'll use them up eventually, and that way I don't have to fret about not having deodorant at the hospital.

2. The night before a scheduled c-section, I take Benadryl.

[WaltzInExile]

Normally, I like to read through all of the comments first to make sure I'm not repeating something someone else thought of first, but today is sorta crazy and I don't have time so I apologize in advance if that turns out to be the case (run-on sentence for your reading pleasure, huh?):
I don't know about anyone else but all of the bag-packing advice I got/read seemed to come from people (or texts) that assumed I had way more resources (money, clothing, toiletry inventory, etc.) than I actually had. So I made a list, and put it in the front zipper section of my bag. And the night that my contractions started, I got out the list, packed the bag, and left for the hospital. It was the only way for me to do it. I'm sorry I don't remember if you are a quick laborer or not (turns out I am NOT) so this might not work for you if that's the case.

[Jen]

I started saving the last little bits of my toiletries when I ran out. Like right before my hair stuff ran out, I put the last little bit in my bag and bought a new one. So this way, I'll have a little bit of everything. I also did some of the little bottles from Target.