Emotional roller coaster: The definition of me at 32 weeks.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked Dave whether he had done any further thinking about our hypothetical third child. It’s something we’ve discussed on numerous occasions and something we are not at all opposed to, although we do have enough sense to not make an official call until we see what life with two children is like first. Anyway, you’d think his objections—his “second thoughts”—on the idea would likely involve our worsening economy and the rising cost of a college education and just how freaking EXPENSIVE kids get once they start wearing brand-name clothes and needing car insurance and full-sized restaurant meals but it turns out that you would be VERY WRONG INDEED.

Right now, the thing that panics my husband the most about the idea of a third child? Is the idea of putting up with me throughout a THIRD PREGNANCY.

PUTTING UP WITH ME. Me! The light of his life! The wellspring of his joy! The WOMAN OF HIS DREAMS! Who is apparently absolutely intolerable while gestating new life.

Honestly, it is no secret that I am not enjoying pregnancy very much this time around. Keeping tabs on even a very well-behaved and independent toddler is a much bigger physical strain than sitting at a desk and flagging typos ever was. I am constantly bending over and picking things up, sitting down on the floor to read books and play trains, or hauling 28 pounds of boy in and out of the car or the stroller or (and GAH this is annoying all of a sudden) UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.

Pregnancy this time around is PAINFUL. My back is always aching. I’m getting cramps in my feet and my fingers are starting to get sausagey and my boobs are starting to spill out of my bra up near my armpits and while that doesn’t necessarily FEEL uncomfortable, it DOES make me want to CRY when I see them in the mirror, oozing every which way and looking decidedly depressing. I can’t sit up in bed for long without my hips practically popping out of their sockets. And sometimes, when I’m walking, my right leg will actually GIVE OUT ON ME and pretend it is unattached to my body. (This makes for awkward moments in HomeGoods, you know, when your leg JUST DOESN’T RESPOND in the picture frame aisle. WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, especially in the midst of all that glass.) And I’m carrying so low this time that the maternity bands in all my pants get crumpled up underneath my belly, which cuts off my circulation and somehow also gets my bladder all riled up too.

I don’t think Dave gets it, though. I can’t imagine that he’s supposed to, really—my complaints are vague and to the best of my knowledge, he’s never experienced anything like pregnancy himself. But at the same time, I think he’s beginning to suspect that I’m blowing this way out of proportion. Which results in him not feeling HALF as sympathetic as I want him to feel. Instead he finds me insufferable and cranky and I know he rolls his eyes every time I turn my back. I KNOW IT.

And the truth is, I AM insufferable and cranky. I can be hateful and grumpy and irritable, I am the first to admit it. But I’m not this way because I choose to be this way. There is a real, honest-to-God REASON I am not the happiest/smiliest/most patient person in the world right now, and it’s because my hormones are out of whack and my body is out of whack and I can’t even get up off the floor UNASSISTED anymore and yet, for some reason, I’m the one completely at fault here; I’m apparently the one who BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF or something, and what makes it even worse is that I am not allowed to drink the amount of wine it would take to MAKE ME FEEL EVEN A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

I sound a lot angrier than I intended to sound, I think. I don’t want to be insufferable and grumpy, I really and truly don’t. But here I am, going about my daily routine, having given NOTHING UP, having not cut back on doing anything I have always done that is household-related (cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kid, paying bills, organizing, shopping, and walking the dog, in addition to earning money doing freelance jobs during naptimes and evenings) but I am also doing it with a body that isn’t cooperative in the LEAST and with wonky hormones absolutely oozing out my EARS. Where is my respect? Where are my kudos?

WHERE IS MY PREGNANCY MASSAGE?

*  *  *  *  *

Last night, a few hours after I had finished spewing hatred onto the screen (please see above) and spent two long, horrible hours in another Epic Toddler Battle of Wills, I had one of those Crazy Pregnancy Meltdowns, complete with hysterical sobbing and mascara smearing and pleading with my husband not to divorce me (“I really wasn’t considering it,” he said) and I felt better. This morning he unloaded the dishwasher and put away his clean laundry without me having to ask him to, which was especially nice, because I never actually DO ask him to—I always just do it myself. And isn’t it amazing what little things like that can do for a person’s spirit? I feel like marrying the man all over again. I still do not feel much like enduring seven more weeks of this pregnancy, BUT IT WILL DO IT, I suppose, if for no other reason than I just have to.

Comments

[Lisa]

OMG. This is me. Except I am now officially 4 days OVERdue. I can't believe how perfectly you describe my feelings. Thanks. :-)

[Megan]

Oh, hon. I'm sorry. Men just don't get it, do they? They really have no way of comprehending what it's like to carry another human being *inside you* and how it makes your body all wonky and do things it normally didn't. I was in training to run a marathon before I got pregnant - I was in DAMN good shape - and it took forever to tell my husband that no, I can't 'hurry up and move' like I used to.

[Morgan Swanson]

I was WAY, WAY, WAY more grumpy, uncomfortable and whiny during my second pregnancy (and I had blessedly easy pregnancies, overall). Taking care of a 19 month old and working full time during the second pregnancy only made all my symptoms 400 times worse. But I loved sitting at my desk compared to wrestling with the toddler. I was SO OVER my pregnancy by Week 34 and thank GOD I was induced a week early - I was feeling homicidal 24-7 by the end. AND my husband was mostly unsympathetic toward and likely rolling his eyes at his ever moaning and groaning wife.

I remember learning of a friends new pregnancy when I was about 35 weeks along and thinking "OH THANK YOU JESUS THAT IS NOT ME!!!!!" I was so close to the finish line, the thought of 8 months of pregnancy ahead of me instead of behind me almost made me faint!

Thank you for being so honest about your toddler frustrations. Please know there is a lot of the same thing going on at my house...I feel your pain.

One nice thing to look forward to - when the toddler is being particularly hideous, you can foist him off on your husband and then you can go snuggle with your very sweet newborn, who couldn't adore you more!

[jonniker]

Oh Emily. I hear you. I'm only at 23 weeks, and I'm heaving and crying and running around like a LUNATIC, and I feel like every time I offer, "But I'm PREGNANT!" I get blank stares. It's my fault, and I know he can't possibly understand, and I don't blame him.

Oh it's awful. And to be this hormonal and crazy in the midst of such a turbulent, insane time is ... oh God. Yeah.

xo

[She Likes Purple]

Thank you for writing this.

Nothing has depressed me more over the last six months than knowing I have EARNED a vat of wine and yet I cannot enjoy it for the foreseeable future.

[Amanda]

Girl, I FEEL for you. Second pregnancies are AWFUL. I used to want a third baby, but now I'm done. And there is NO WORSE torture than feeling like crap and chasing a two year old!

If you want to feel better (and not so crazy), go read my archives from when I was pregnant with Genoa. (http://mandajuice.typepad.com/mandajuice/2006/04/i_wrote_that_en.html#more) I was INSANE. XOXO

[Kimberly]

Umm, yeah. George likes to remind me that I am the one who wanted a second child. He was just fine with our first. He hates
pregnant Kim! There is no way we are doing this a third time! I told him if he would quit calling me fat, I would quit crying! I don't think I am that bad this time since I have not been sick at all. It makes
things much easier but I am only a third of the way through. So I would definitely trade you places if I could. 7 weeks is much shorter than 27! I can't wait to see her and know her name!!

[chiquita]

is there anyway you can cut back on the "normal routine"? god knows, you've earned it.

[chiquita]

oh, and pregnancy sucks. My little bundle of joy was 2 weeks late and I was ready to pull her out myself.

[Jess]

When I was pregnant with my now 2 year old, I was such a wreck that we didn't have sex for almost an entire year (from the first sickness to the end of c-section recovery) and I had more than one breakdown that ended up with me so hysterical that I got in the shower with my clothes on and sat in the tub until my husband came to drag me out.

And he still wants to have another baby. Bizarre.

[Stacie]

Whenever you feel emotional, you can always be thankful your house didn't burn down ;0). Your life is good. Find joy in all things. That's what I'm learning to do. Joy even being 32 weeks pregnant and uncomfortable. Through all trials there is joy to be found.

[Carol Minter]

Emily, I think they make mascara that is waterproof.

[WaltzInExile]

You have my deepest sympathies; I know that you know he's rolling his eyes. And do you know how I know? Because pregnancy ears can TOTALLY HEAR THOSE EYE SOCKETS. We won't be having a 3rd child because then I'd be a single mother. In prison. For harming the eye roller.

[Maggie]

This is the exact reason we won't be having a 3rd child!!

[Anne S]

You captured it so well, and I've only been through it once. Here's a pregnancy-related story that will make you laugh--this woman is all sorts of nutty buckets.

http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2008/11/vera-farmiga-2.html

[NGS]

Okay, I've never been pregnant, so I don't understand completely what you're going through, but I broke my hand last week and although my husband has been very dear, doing all the chores I can't do and generally coddling me, I am ashamed of the sheer number of times I have broken down into uncontrollable tears this week just because I couldn't do something. I think my husband thinks I'm a nutcase.

So you're not alone in the begging of your spouse not to divorce you!!

[Lesley]

OMG, you nailed this. Please take comfort that there's so many women feeling the same way as you right now!

My right leg goes weirdly"dead" as well - has done every time. This is my 3rd pregnancy and by far the hardest - probably because I'm running around after a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old (yes, we're having 3 under 3 years old and believe me when I say THIS IS IT: I AM NEVER EVER DOING THIS AGAIN!)

Anyway, thanks for sharing - it's made me feel better at least :-)

[andrea]

Oh my god this is exactly how I felt a mere eight days ago and now here I am typing with one hand feeding my adorable baby girl. Moral of the story, you will get through it, however in the meantime you have every right to cry and complain. Pregnancy isn't a lot of fun for most of us, and bless their hearts our husbands will never really understand what we are going through. If my marriage can survive the last thirteen months, anyone's can.

If it is any solace the delivery and subsequent recovery from baby two has been an absolute breeze. Oh, and I referred to her as my 'middle' child the other day, that says something, right?

Hang in there!!

[Sleepynita]

Wait a couple weeks and maybe you will get the stabbing vagina of death pain. GAH! My friend is an acupuncturist and better bring me 50 zillion needles to try and start labour next week.

[gorillabuns]

The thing that really upsets me the most about this 3rd child thing? We've totally messed up our easy seating arrangement at restaurants. No more 4 top tables.

Oh, and being pregnant with your 3rd at almost 40? sucks major ass.

[maggie]

I cannot believe how much I loooooved being pregnant the first time and haaaaaaaaaaated being pregnant the second time. I say go ahead and have a glass of wine. The Europeans do!

[Shannon]

Oh honey, I totally had the same experience. Except it was my first pregnancy. My husband is the same way. Just not a sympathetic kind of guy to physical complaints. He's kind of insensitive when I'm sick. And for me, being pregnant was like being sick for ten straight months starting with nausea and progressing to absolutely the most terrible swelling and with a side of nasty btichiness. He's mostly kept his mouth shut but I know he would feel the same way about having number 3. We've officially stopped at two and it was a mutual decision but part of my reason for not being able to do another pregnancy is because it's bad enough to deal with the discomfort and emotional distress for ten straight months, it's even worse not to have a little sympathy and sensitivity when I'm doing it. And really, my husband is a fantastic and wonderful guy. I love him dearly and he's not some troll. But he's missing the sympathy gene. :) Hang in there! You are not alone! I am totally feeling your pain!

[Swistle]

Oh, man, pregnancy is SO miserable.

[Laura]

Oh my, yes. I am only 13 weeks with my first pregnancy, but I'm already feeling frustrated with my husband's lack of sympathy (at times). And I know the fact that I'm being a very whiny mess is only contributing to the problem. Le sigh. To think I have another 27+ weeks!! We are both hoping for an easy 2nd trimester.

Only a few more months until your well deserved wine!

[steff]

Oh...uhm...almost there!!