He is actually a way better person than me; I don't think I even GOT him anything last year.

So, as it turns out, we’re kind of too poor to celebrate our five-year anniversary in the kind of style we’d originally imagined ourselves worthy of. Things come up, you know? First your windshield gets cracked beyond repair, and while you’re trying to figure out how to pay for it, your entire a/c system implodes (in the middle of AUGUST, naturally), and for some reason, you’re responsible for 25 percent of the cost even though a bajillion car-savvy message-board people on the Internet got theirs repaired by Honda for free, and then someone whose name you won’t even mention started GROWING OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES and had to buy NEW ONES, and on top of all of that, the REASON this person is growing out of their clothes is going to have a Special Lady Area which means it cannot, under any circumstances, wear any of the blue/brown/festooned with crickets and spiders crap her brother wore when HE was a baby, so wads of cash may have been blown on a brand-new wardrobe for her. (I mean, yes, I bought things on sale that will be used next summer so my dollar went farther, but I don’t care how many adorable little cotton jumpers you buy, $70 is still $70, and that $70 is part of the reason I overdrew the checking account last month for the first time in the Entire History of the World. Don’t worry, I cried about it. A LOT.)

In other words, we’re staying local. We’re still going to do something COOL, I think, but it won’t be in any kind of glamorous locale, and the hotel might be a Hilton instead of a Westin, and I might have to wear a toga made of hotel sheets held together with a knotted hotel shower cap out to dinner if I outgrow all the NEW clothes I bought (IT COULD HAPPEN) but the fact is, we’re still going to celebrate, because five years of marriage? Is something to be damn proud of. Unfortunately, I doubt I will have the same adorable attitude should this kind of situation come about at the 10-year mark. At 10 years, there will be Hawaii. Or Australia. Or a cruise through the Panama Canal. OR SOMETHING EQUALLY FABULOUS BECAUSE I WILL HAVE EARNED IT.

Sometimes I can’t believe we’ll have been married five whole years as of next month. And yet, sometimes I wake up in the morning and think, MY GOD, I’m sleeping next to a BOY and my parents are going to find out and also KILL ME! Sometimes I can’t believe that this is actually my life, that it’s been so easy in some ways (two children without having to procure any kind of official permit? Are you KIDDING ME?) and so unbelievably challenging in others.

And sometimes… well, sometimes, frankly, I want to wring his scrawny little neck and kick him while he’s down. But the times I’ve tried it, I don’t feel any better. It’s like I’ve gone and kicked myself instead.

The traditional gift for a five-year anniversary is wood. Is there anyone in the entire world over the age of fourteen months who couldn’t make a dirty joke out of that? So perhaps we will go with the modern gift, which is, oh, wait, NO BETTER. Silverware? Really? Like, spoons? Somehow, this is modern? Modern for when, 1931? I can hardly see Dave getting enthusiastic here in the ninth year of the 21st century when I complete our flatware collection for him to thank him for his half-decade of partnership. (Which we really need to do, actually, as we only received eight place settings for our wedding and somehow three of those have disappeared. How do you lose silverware, especially if you aren’t taking it out of the house or entertaining anyone who wanted to steal it? Which we aren’t, because when we have those kinds of people over, we use plastic utensils.) (Dave’s friends, OBV.)

Last year the modern gift was Appliances, and I got a waffle maker. Part of me was really happy to get a waffle maker (Yay! Waffles!) but part of me was really sad that a tradition between Dave and I died on that day. Specifically, the tradition where I gave him an unrelenting amount of crap because he refused to let me register for one before we got married. He claimed it would clutter up our house and I would never ever use it, but I think he would now agree that letting me register for it way back then would have been a much lesser annoyance (even if I had gotten it and NEVER TOUCHED IT) than listening to me gripe about it for the equivalent of more than 1,460 days.

(We’ve used it once in the last year.) (But I’m still not going to admit he was right.) (And if he brings it up, he’s getting SPOONS for his anniversary gift next month.)

Comments

[Lisa]

Haha I'm getting married next summer and I'm having the ongoing registry "discussion" with my fiance... it's quite a challenge. Not to mention the fact that we currently live in a teeny one bedroom apartment. I keep telling him we have to move, and the real reason is so I can register for the appliances like waffle irons I want!

[azaera]

Haha that was funny. Congrats on the girl!! I bet Asher is going to have lots of fun with a little sister around.

[Mrs. Who]

1. Have you checked with your insurance company about the glass? Because in Kentucky, all glass in a car is replaced for free. They will even come to where you work and replace it. I guess it's a safety issue.

2. You should TOTALLY go on a cruise for your 10th anniversary. We went for the first time on our 20th and I still kick myself that we wasted all those years when we could have been cruising. You will LOVE it.

[GirlHouse]

You've earned Hawaii or a cruise or BOTH for your 10th!!! We were able to do Hawaii in April to celebate our 5th and it was fabulous!! So fabulous I came home pregnant! But I wouldn't recommend it for your 10th...thats just me though.
Where does the sliverware go?? I have pieces missing also.

[Megan]

About the anniversary gift - you could get him a book, like a photo album, because photo albums are made from paper and paper comes from wood. That was a stretch, right?

Oh, you should have heard Josh when we were registering. He was a HUGE PitA. I eventually gave up and took my mother to regsiter for gifts. And yet, he is happy as a clam when he uses the waffle maker/coffee grinder/electric grill/ and other doodads *I* registered for.

[Amanda]

We got a waffle maker for our anniversary a few years ago and as much as I thought I'd never use the damn thing, I use it ALL the time and the waffles are AWESOME! We have one of those flipper over ones you see in hotel buffets. SO easy and delicious. Why am I rambling about a waffle maker?

[dabby]

Aw, don't feel bad. I overdraw my checking account at least every 3 months. And also? Waffle makers are fabulous :)

[Becky]

Hubby had some interesting registry ideas - he wanted the following:
Beef Jerky
Nose hair trimmers
A squeegie
A pumpkin-scooper-outer (shaped like a monster)

As a joke, my sisters got him all of the above with the exception of the pumpkin scooper and when halloween came around he gave me endless amounts of teasing over the fact that we COULD HAVE, in fact, USED a pumpkin-scooper-outer in the process of carving our pumpkins.

Sigh.
Boys.
:) Becky

[chirky]

You know, you could always go traditional with a twist. Maybe your anniversary will be a trip to a cabin in the forest. Et voila! Wood!

[Morgan S.]

I hear ya. We just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. We have a 21 month old and a 3 month old and I am on an unpaid maternity leave, so the celebrating was kept to a minimum. We did get a $20 popcorn air popper.

Also, funny about the flatware - we have the same pattern and are missing a few pieces and and it seems most of the teaspoons have been dinged up in the disposal (NOT BY ME, GRR!). I would actually LIKE to get some more flatware....how sad is that?

[Jen]

hehe we had our 'wood' anniversary last year, and The Husband got me this: http://flickr.com/photos/jayesel/536063741/ And yes, there were MANY MANY dirty jokes about it. BOYS.

[dregina]

When we had our wood anniversary, we went out to the country and stayed in a little wood cabin and walked in the woods a lot. So maybe there's that? And the dirty jokes are just unavoidable.

[Erika]

Congrats on your 5 year anniversary! I have to ask, knowing your predilection for cleaning things will make you more inclined to know this than other people, have you figured out how to clean your waffle maker yet? It's not as though you can soak your electrical appliance in the sink, so how do you clean yours?

[Manda]

My husband doesn't even let me pick out his anniversary/birthday/Christmas presents anymore! This year he was all, "I need a new phone and I'd like it for my anniversary present" and then he spent a bajillion hours researching what kind of phone to get and then FINALLY bought it a month later.
This year I asked for a Furminator for Henry and it is A GODSEND. At least I can count on him for jewelry (most of the time) for my birthday but this year I asked for, and received, a weedwacker. I AM SO BORING! GAHHH!

[Jen]

I need three more forks for my flatware and it is making me crazy. (Yes, someone LOST three of my forks and if I find out who it was, they will die.)

We didn't have money for our five year anniversary this year either. We had just closed on our house and the closing costs ended up being $5,000 more than we were expecting. So, we went out to dinner and gave each other a house for a present.

[Dr. Maureen]

Dude! It's five years for us too! Huh, we should plan something. Also: We are missing one of our steak knives, and it caused me endless irritation because I COULD NOT UNDERSTAND what had happened to it, when my MIL said, "It probably got scraped into the trash with some food by accident," and I felt better. Because that is probably what happened.

Fortunately, we still have eleven steak knives left, because Andrew's parents gave us a gigando set of knives for our wedding, and they came with 12 steak knives. Plus someone else gave us a different set of 6 steak knives. So we are ALL SET in the steak knife department. So when all those people are drinking champagne, they'll be able to cut their steaks. (For those who have no idea what I'm talking about and are curious: http://docmaureen.blogspot.com/2008/08/apparently-there-is-also-fatherhood.html.)

[Sarah]

You could just spoon him! Think about it--it would combine both the "wood" and the "silverware" gifts!

Okay, I couldn't help it, sorry. Congratulations on 5, and keep celebrating in style, whatever your current style is!

[Christie]

Next month also signals five years for us! If I recall correctly, we got married the weekend before you. Five years married means that we've been together in total for (gulp!) 10 years. A decade! Which also means that we are really old. We can't afford a nice trip, either, but here's wishing you and I both have lovely anniversaries with the men we love (most of the time). :-)

[maggie]

Happy 5th! We did the same thing- stayed downtown, 5 minutes away, in a hotel we just happened to have a gift certificate for, because we were also poor and pregnant and telling ourselves we'd do Paris for our 10th. (Or 50th.)

[Melissa]

Happy Anniversary!

[Emmy]

Can you please make me some waffles? Thank you.

Seriously, congratulations. If he's given you a hardtime over the waffle maker, go for the silverware...but otherwise, who cares about those silly traditions?

[Becky]

Hubby has already set the bar high for our 1 year anniversary coming up in December - he got me the anniversary band to go with my engagement ring & wedding band! I don't get to wear it until our anniversary though. :)

He warned me that I should not spend more than $50 on him because he doesn't need anything, but how could I do that when he got me something so extravagant?!
:) Becky

[NewssyLee]

Thanks to you