Does anything I write anymore just stick to one subject? Or even subjects that are VAGUELY related to each other?

So I’m watching one of what seems like a thousand new episodes on HGTV that tout Green or Environmentally Friendly remodeling. And while I get that new decking made out of recycled plastic or house numbers made from recycled street signs is important for Saving The World Little By Little, I’m kind of wondering what they’re doing with all the stuff they’re ripping OUT of the house in order to make room for the new stuff. I mean, you can’t replace the countertops with new, trendy, recycled versions without, oh, I don’t know, FINDING A PLACE FOR THE OLD ONES? Don’t you think that should be part of this whole Green Revolution? Don’t just tell us WHAT to buy for our homes; tell us exactly what we should do with the old stuff. Because all those green products are kind of redundant if you just throw all your old crap into a landfill. Am I right? Shouldn’t the Green Revolution be about more than what you BUY? Shouldn’t it also encourage people to think more about what they should do with what they already have? I suppose nothing could be less sexy than a show called Garbage: What You Should Do With Yours Beyond Separating Plastics From Cardboard And Aluminum, but it doesn’t make any sense to me that we’re not addressing all the stuff we ALREADY HAVE.

Nevertheless, if someone came to me and asked me to host that totally unsexy show, I would absolutely do it, even though my interest in saving the world is hovering somewhere around Moderate. I would do it simply because I have heard that when you host a television show, you get free makeup and haircuts! And frankly, I need a haircut. The last time I got a haircut was in November, and do you want to know why I haven’t gone back for another one? Well, only because my hairdresser is the last person on earth who doesn’t know I had a miscarriage, and GAH, now that it’s been SO FRICKING LONG, long enough that I would have HAD that baby already, I think it might end up being a horribly awkward encounter. I mean, now I can go ahead and say that I’m past all of that pain and safely in my second trimester with another baby, but FIRST we have to get through the pleasantries, i.e., “Wow, you look great! When did you have the baby?” UGH UGH UGH.

It’s just been so LONG since I’ve had to inform anyone about it, you know? And it’s no longer this little stab in my heart and it doesn’t make me want to burst into tears to think or talk about it, so it’s more about the Awkward Moment. And although technically I am The Victim in this situation and I am the person to whom this bad thing happened, I fear ending up being The Comforter instead. You know what I’m talking about? When you tell someone something sad or awful that happened to you, and they become visibly upset or anxious, and then YOU end up comforting THEM about it, even though IT WAS YOUR DAMN PROBLEM. That’s the moment I want to avoid. I will tell you, I may have even considered calling the salon and asking the receptionist to make a note in my electronic file: Had miscarriage. Gloss over entire subject, please. Offering 20% discount would be a nice touch, and would it kill you to throw in a few free products for once?

Do you know I have never once gotten a free product at my salon? And I have been going there faithfully for years. Yet my brother, ON MY RECOMMENDATION, took his business there and GOOD GOD, you’d think the women in that salon had never SEEN a man before in their ENTIRE LIVES. When he left after that first haircut, he had gift certificates for return visits and three different serums and balms – FULL-SIZE VERSIONS – to take home with him. It was kind of disgusting. Now my brother is a stylish, attractive person, and I say this in a totally non-creepy, non-incestuous way, but DUDE, how offensive is it that I have pledged my faithful allegiance to this salon and have sent no fewer than TEN customers their way in the last couple of years and yet my brother waltzes in with his rocker hair and his stubbly beard and the employees are THROWING THEMSELVES AND THEIR FULL-PRICED PRODUCTS AT HIS FEET? Unfair. Totally UNFAIR. Wouldn’t it be nice if it worked the other way around and all I had to do was walk into a car repair shop and the hot, greasy mechanics were throwing free oil changes and wiper fluid my way? Wait, no, that doesn’t even BEGIN to compare. Never mind. I’ll just stay bitter about this.

And now, presenting: TWELVE WEEKS



What is more disturbing: seven months of zero hair maintenance or the glaringly obvious fact that I CLEARLY do not wear a bikini at the pool? It’s like the friggin’ blinding-white underbelly of a DOLPHIN. Although… not nearly that smooth. (Stupid hormones.)

Comments

[Danell]

You look awesome! And at least a pale belly isn't as bad as having a searingly white ENTIRE BODY all summer long! (I don't know anything about that...)

[mandy]

I love the look on your face!!

and the line:
"...even though my interest in saving the world is hovering somewhere around Moderate"

[BethanyWD]

You look ADORABLE and I hope you won't be offended if I comment on how thin your arms look. Freakin' adorable.

[Amanda]

That whole "buying green" thing is a huge pet peeve of mine! The most environmentally friendly thing you can do is to keep the crap you already have. Even with cars! It's actually BETTER for the environment for me to run my SUV into the ground for the next ten years than it is for me to go out and purchase a hybrid. New cars have to be MADE. My car already exists.

PS you're a super hawt prego!

[Sally]

I have to remind myself that whenever I get excited about buying a new green product. Use what I have until its gone before replacing it. I'm especially into this when it comes to body products. How many women have closets full of unused lotions and body wash? I don't allow myself to buy these unless I truly don't have any.
This is also my biggest pet peeve about extreme makeover home edition (which otherwise, I love. It makes me cry every damn time.) Do they really need to bulldoze the whole house?

[sally]

Wow...if only the lightbulb would go off in the heads of the rest of the world that is going crazy buying green. I guess they forgot the first part of "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" instead of "buy new crap made with earth friendly materials!"

You look great!

But the hairdresser...dude...your brother is HOT.

[Heather B.]

Lookin' good, my friend.

[Manda]

Glad to see that someone can get their waistline back after having a baby. I'm at the point right now where I don't even remember what it felt like. 6 weeks to go!!

[MrsWaltz]

Are you sure your brother didn't SAUNTER into the salon? I only ask because really, waltzing on in there sounds like he had some unwarranted sense of entitlement, which is not attractive. And while you're very hot, you're probably just not the stylists' type, which explains all his free products.

[charmingdriver]

Beautiful pic!

[mandy]

Your hair grows so fast! I love it long. I think it looks gorgeous, even with no recent cuttage. Congrats and best wishes on baby!

[Kim]

Shut it, mommy. It's an adorable little house for baby. (I say shut it in love, of course...)

P.S. LOVE that mirror!

[Beth]

Ohmygosh, you're adorable!

And puh-leeze, woman: If I hadn't been to the salon since November, with all the grey lurking in my hair, I'd look like Miss Havisham by now.

I think your hair looks great for going without a cut for so long. Kudos to your stylist for giving you a cut that's grown out so well.

P.S. I don't get free products, either, and I've been going to my guy since 1992!

[elise]

Dude, look at your muscle-y arms!

[Becky]

Okay, first of all, you look absolutely amazing!

Secondly, I didn't even know that people EVER got free full-sized products from a salon! Totally unfair!
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[Trilby]

I don't get free products at my salon either, but they did cut my toddler's hair for free.

I could only wish that I had looked that good at 12 weeks. I balloon out so quickly that at 21 weeks, I look ready to pop... but at least it's all baby so far.

[Jacki]

You look amazing!
Seriuosly I know that I wouldn't look half as good at twelve weeks!
Your hair!!! No maintenance for seven months and it looks that good, holy crap!

Bravo!

[ali]

um...you're hot.
:)

[jacks]

You look SO cute! Seriously.

[Shawnna]

We just stripped wallpaper in our house. 3 HUGE trashbags worth... that crap should be recycled!!!
And your baby bump is super cute!! I just feel fat my 12w3d belly.

[Shawnna]

I FORGOT!!!

http://www.wastenews.com/email.html?id=1214319605

Home Depot now recycles CFLs

[Tara]

Damn, girl. You look MAHVELOUS. Those arms are beautifully toned and I am way jealous. :D

[Brandy]

I am SO glad I am not the only one that's thought that about those remodeling shows. I adore Designed to Sell and a few others that are trying to be more green yet they have whole dumpsters of crud they haul away. How could that possibly be green??

Consoling the person you are telling your bad news to is HORRIBLE. I had to do that after my father's death and after my miscarriage. Somehow, even though it shouldn't be that way it does tend to end up there.

Anyway, you look fabulous and I would absolutely want free products.

[Casey]

I comletely agree on the issue of making more waste in order to be green. I have wondered aloud countless times on this topic and nobody seems to have a good answer. Kudos.

Also, I can relate on the topic of having to comfort other people when you're the one struggling. My brother has cancer and people either want you to not talk about it, or they want you to say something like, "Oh it was nothing. It'll be fine." Somehow lying and leaving them in denial is a comfort.

I havebeen going to my salon since it opened 8 years ago and I have referred them countless people, yet I have not received any freebies, either. :(

[cat, galloping]

"Oh, that one didn't work out. But I'm pregnant again and so far, so good. How have you been?"