Truthfully, I never even WORE that particular bathing suit, but it's not like SHE knew that

I’m guessing you won’t be remotely surprised that I sold the bathing suit.

I put it out on Saturday more as an experiment than anything else, but by 10am, it was LONG gone. Sold to a woman who also bought two of my purses and a shirt. A woman who spent a lengthy amount of time comparing and discussing the differences between our breasts and whether the $6 bathing suit would cover hers. I assured her that it would, but what do I know? AND WHAT DO I CARE? Frankly, she should have been more worried about how many crotches that bathing suit had come into contact with, and for HOW LONG EACH TIME. But she didn’t ask.

I actually spent a lot of time discussing my breasts with Yard Sale Clientele. For example, there was one woman who wanted to buy one of my adorable LOFT dresses (brown linen with a halter neckline and yellow embroidered flowers) but wanted me to give it to her for $7 (not the $10 I was asking) because she wasn’t sure it would fit. And as she was telling me this, she was gesturing wildly—first to my chest, then to her own and back again—all while wearing a rather skeptical expression, I suppose because if my sad, droopy, minimalist chest once wore that dress, than there was NO WAY ON EARTH her enormous magnificent hooters were going to squeeze in there. But then I cleverly pointed out the elasticized back and the adjustability of the halter straps and LO AND BEHOLD, ALL TEN DOLLARS WERE MINE. Never mind that I probably paid something like four times that when I bought it three years ago. It still felt like victory.

It was also amazing how many women stopped by to peruse my clothes who were (and I say this in the nicest of ways) much larger than me, but who insisted that all of my clothes were WAY WAY too big. And then there were the awkward moments when people asked me if I thought something would fit them, and I wanted to say something like, “Yes, I was about your size right before I lost some weight,” but that sounded RUDE and AWFUL, even if it was honest. Selling your own stuff is hard because you can only imagine it on YOUR OWN BODY, not someone else’s. And remaining indifferent while trying to help someone by sizing up their body, with its set of lumps and bumps that are so different from your own, is completely impossible. It just makes you sort of… judgmental, I guess. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT.

I sold 95 percent of the clothes I brought and 75 percent of my pregnancy literature. I sold some old artwork and a film camera and my file box. I sold some lamps and picture frames and our rusty brass fireplace tools. I sold a cute blank notebook to a fourth grader for fifteen cents. I sold every purse I arrived with (more than 15 altogether). I ended up making about $175, despite the fact that Dave came to relieve me around 11:30 and proceeded to hold a $1 sale just to get rid of everything else so he didn’t have to cart it back home.

One guy bought three or four pregnancy books for the woman he was there with, and after he handed over the cash, I saw him try to smuggle them by an older woman who I assume must have been one of their mothers. She was all, “What’s THAT? What did you buy?” and he’s trying to stuff them under his shirt, mumbling, “Nothing. I didn’t buy anything.” It was rather amusing.

Then at one point there was a little old Asian man who was investigating my desk lamp who asked me, “Why are you selling this?” I thought he was accusing me of peddling crappy merchandise that didn’t work or something, so I said, “Oh, don’t worry, it works. I just don’t have room for it in our house anymore.” “Oh, ok,” he replied. “I didn’t know if you were selling it because it was a souvenir from a relationship gone bad.” I assured him that I was still very happily married, but part of me was really hoping that was some sort of awkward geriatric pick-up line.

So it was a good day. Makes me want to do it again come fall. Possibly with an entire card table devoted just to underpants. JUST FOR FUN.

Comments

[chirky]

Interestingly, I JUST LOST ALL MY UNDERWEAR. So I could kind of use a card table like that.

Except, GAH, not pre-worn underwear. That's just creepy.

[Jennifer]

It sounds like you had a successful day!

We had a yard sale a couple of years ago and if there's one thing I've learned it's that people will buy ANYTHING. Underpants, single socks, ouija boards missing their ouijas pointers, whatever.

Yard sales also bring the crazy, I've found. We got up early to post signs around the neighborhood and within ten minutes there were people staked out on the street waiting for us to "open". Those professional sale-goers are totally hardcore. I just can't bring myself to get excited by other people's unwanted crap.

[Kathi]

Hi. I just found your blog-you are hilarious. I actually went to a few yard sales over the weekend for the first time in a long time. Thankfully I wasn't looking for bathing suits---I found some toys for my 2-year old, so that was good.

[Cass]

That is so funny! People never surprise me, especially yard sale/garage sale people. Our neighbors had on this weekend and it took a lot of energy not to park my tush on our front porch to watch the people coming.

[Megan]

Yeah, I'm not sure what's worse - the people who sell their used underwear, or the folks who buy them. But hey, you made out like a bandit with your sales!

[becky]

I totally have that brown dress that you described! It's one of my favorites!

Unfortunately, I'm not able to fit in it currently. Doh. :) I reached lifetime on WW about a year ago and even though I am only 10 lbs heavier than my goal weight, it feels like 50. I'm very impressed with your maintenance! Congrats!

[SalemHouse]

I love garage/yard sales for the serendipity. You never know what you will find, and it's so much fun to look at other people's lives through the things they no longer need. (But I mostly buy other people's books, not their underwear.)

[One Smart Cookie]

I haven't ever hosted my own yard-sale (although my parents had a few that I participated in, if you count whining about getting up early on a Saturday participating) but before our last move we sold a ton of stuff on Craig's list. And oh my lands, the crazies. I suppose it was worth it though, since we sold every last item we posted, and we sold a few things for MORE than the original asking price, due to bidding wars. Bidding wars! Can you believe it?

[annie]

ewwww. That last line got me. You had my husband laughing out loud with the story about the dress lady's magnificent hooters. Sounds like you had a good time on Saturday - good for you! AND now you're $175 richer!

[Jamie]

Wow, we sure could have used some of your yard sale mojo up here in Chicago. Ours was an unmitigated disaster - I barely made enough money to cover the tank of gas it took to get there and back.

Most depressing sale of the day? A brand new, still-in-the-shrink-wrap copy of Ghostbusters II. $1.

I hope Goodwill enjoys all of my amazing, read-only-once books, and random assortment of high-end clothing. (sob)

[Sarah]

I'm glad you did so well with your yard sale! And it has to be said, I'm totally inspired to slim down after this baby, thanks to you. Have a great day!

[Mandi]

Wait, aren't you trying for Baby No. 2? So... why'd you sell the pregnancy literature? (I'm wondering because I've questioned my keeping the pregnancy books time and time again-- I'm just thinking maybe I'll have things I want to look up next time, too.)

[Melissa]

LOVE these posts. You crack me up.
Also, this gives me hope! Our neighborhood holds an annual collective garage sale every June, and I was debating whether to just give my clothes to Goodwill or trying to sell the nicer hardly-worn stuff... I guess I'll put it out there and see what goes!

[Monkey's Mama]

BLUCK!!! You are giving me the sweaty flashbacks just reading about your yard sale. GOD I hate yard sales!!! Did anyone *steal* anything from you? Yes, I actually had lots of stuff walk off at my last AND FINAL yard sale ever.

[nancypearlwannabe]

Congrats on selling so much stuff, but yeah, buying a pre-owned bathing suit might freak me out.

[Lar]

People will buy ANYTHING, so a used bathing suit doesn't surprise me. I've even sold half-empty bottles of shampoo and lotion.

I have a real love/hate relationship with garage sales. Mostly hate.

[Manda]

Hee! Boob comparisons!! Girls are so weird.
I also always wonder what to do with old underwear. I have, like, 30 thongs from one of the three wedding showers I was thrown four years ago and if any of them got worn it was for about 30 seconds. But not because they got torn off by my newlywed husband but because uh, THONGS PINCH! So I have a huge drawer of expensive underwear that I never wear in lieu of the 6 pairs/10 bucks packs you get at Target. Sigh.

[TheHMC]

Not bad, not bad at all! I haven't managed to sell that much at a yard sale in eons.

I should probably sell some of my purses too.

Nope. Don't think so.