My neighbors? They still suck.

So last week we got a postcard in the mail from our homeowners’ association requesting we join them for a meeting to discuss installing locked mailboxes in our development in response to increasing security concerns. Unfortunately, the homeowners’ association is apparently comprised of – how do I put this gently – COMPLETE IDIOTS. Because nowhere on the postcard is a date for this meeting listed. Oh sure, they remembered to include where the meeting would be held, and also at what time, but instead of using their valuable homeowners’ association time to proofread it, they just slapped on some bad Windows clip art and called it a day.

No doubt they’ll send out another round of postcards. One more professionally printed postcard and one 26-cent USPS stamp for every house in the neighborhood, and also one big fat WASTE OF OUR COLLECTIVE MONEY AND RESOURCES because they couldn’t get it right the first time. It is possible that I am more annoyed about this than I should be, but surely you remember who the president of my homeowners’ association is?

A few months ago, the elderly woman I spoke of in that linked post up there was putting her house on the market. She had some questions she needed answered by the homeowners’ association concerning some repairs she had to have done to her home, and so she tried to ask the president. BUT THE WOMAN REFUSES TO ANSWER THE PHONE OR HER DOOR. Even when she’s clearly home. Would you believe – and I swear I am not making this up – that our neighbor had to send the president of the homeowners’ association some forms to sign THROUGH REGISTERED MAIL because she couldn’t manage to get someone who lives FOUR DOORS DOWN FROM HER to have a conversation about it instead? Someone who has been elected by her neighbors and who is supposed to be volunteering her time to serve the people of this community? Are you as enraged about this as I am?

Also, do you have any idea what a great storyline this would be for the new season of Trading Spaces? Wait, am I the only one who pays any attention to Trading Spaces anymore? Except that surely, even if you have not seen an entire episode of the new season of Trading Spaces, you have seen the disaster that currently sits atop Paige Davis’s head and is apparently her new helmet haircut?

Man, how good would it feel to get inside that woman’s house and agree to do every ridiculous thing Hildi suggests in the name of Interior Design, including but not limited to pasting feathers on the ceiling and gluing straw to the walls? Maybe some livestock milling around the dining room? And then, perhaps for the ultimate finishing touch, a big papier-mache car parked inside the living room, blocking all access to the front door. So she would never forget where our relationship started. And also ended.

I’m getting all weepy just thinking about it.

Comments

[Megan]

You should totally go to this meeting and stage a coup d'etat with other like-minded neighbors. I know those are usually reserved for military-type uprisings, but I think your HOA needs a good shaking up.

But honestly, I'm mad on your behalf - what's the point of *choosing to be the leader of a community-focused group* if you can't even be arsed to occasionally answer questions from your neighborhood?

[Dr Maureen]

That woman sounds surprisingly like a person I have IMed you about, but who now will answer the phone. Yay for answering the phone! And boo for stupid unclear comments like these!

Is it definitely a volunteer position? Are there any perks at all? Maybe she just likes the power trip.

[Emily Jane]

OMG! I hate Paige's hair too!!! I stare at it mouth agape every time that it manages to slip onto my screen while I watch House Hunters. It is like a train wreck and I can't look away. Also, do you remember that room that Doug did that was a prison? Not like a prison mind you - a prison bedroom with black bars painted on the walls? Romantic. The straw room was a classic. I remember that the people who lived there had small children - the age that is apt to pull straw off of the walls and eat it all day!!! Too funny!

[Jessica]

Hehe...I'm glad I'm not the only one who completely HATES Paige's hair.....lol!

[Suki]

That hair is so bad. It's like someone tried to give her the worst haircut they could think of.

[chatty cricket]

Oh I am thrilled that Paige Davis is back, and I LOVE the new format. It makes me sad for Paige that her hair is always so bad. It's like local news anchor bad. Why can't the hair people ever get it right? Get one of those designers to take over hair duties.

And your president SO deserves a Hildi monstrosity. Maybe something with kitchen sponges?

Is this woman tenured? Can you impeach her on grounds of complete non-participation?

[Geege]

So I'm thinking Emily should be the new President of the Home Owners Association...Anyone else?

[Jen]

I used to live next door to a crazy, mean old lady who would scream out her window at me whenever I walked by with the dog.

Of course, I felt bad for her because she lived with one of her children (I don't know which of them she belonged to) and their children and they made her sleep in the dining room. So, her window was really the dining room window that she was screaming out of.

[Aunt Becky]

Oh, how I hate homeowner's associations. We lived in a condo with a board stock full of the nastiest AND dumbest people on the planet. The budget was a complete joke, our dues ridiculous, and special assessments abounded.

I am so glad that we moved. I refuse to live anywhere again that makes me pay additional money each month for NOTHING.

My blood boils for you.

[Edge]

There is something wrong when an unpoliced neighborhood has more power than a city. We're in a HOA and they are idiots too.

~Jef

[Tara $]

I think you should be the new HOA president. You should have a secret meeting and vote for a new president and then at this meeting--that you have a location and a time for--you should announce that she has been abdicated from her throne.

Also--did you see the dining room Hilde did that was all black, white and yellow and had boiled eggs in it? Imagine a phone call: "Hey, what are you doing?" "boiling eggs to put in a vase on my dining room table." Idiot.
Happy Thursday!

[amanda]

We have a company who helps manage/oversees our HOA, so it mitigates the stupidity a lot. Not that they can do anything to address real offenders---there's a house the board openly will call "Ugly House." Owners of Ugly House don't do any of the outside maintenance they're supposed to do (cut the grass, for one), and Ugly House has been fined out the wahzoo for their infractions. Only, Ugly House never pays the fines. So now the HOA is thinking of, kid you not, PUTTING UP TREES around the offensive yard. You go get 'em, HOA! Show 'em who's boss! [rolls eyes]

The ridiculous thing is that that tree border? To contain the ugly? Is totally going to add to those people's property value when they go to sell. How do you like that?

Man, I hate my neighbors too.

[annie]

ha. My favorite Hildi moment is when she painted a portrait of HERSELF on the living room wall. Seriously. Did anyone else see that? I almost died in my chair.

[Brie]

Have I told you lately that I heart your fun ideas about Trading Spaces?
What's up with Paige's hair?
Hildi scares me. If she was in my house, I would just quit on the spot.

[karyn]

Question: How is this woman still the president?

Only feasible answer: No one else wants to have to be in charge of dealing with her?

Does she have a secret posse of older ladies who do her bidding? I used to work at a place where the 'old lady cliques' were so horrible. Just like junior high.

good luck. Just another late 'prank' idea: Get some red eviction notices and start hanging them on her door with some message about not being able to reach her. At the very least you could report her on http://www.rottenneighbor.com/

[Amanda]

Yeah, what the heck is with Paige Davis's hair?? I thought it was bad before. Now? Horrid. And seriously, she had plenty of time to grow out that old haircut before she came back to annoy us. Can you tell she's not my favorite? She's up there with Ann Curry and Rachel Ray. ug.

[my life is brilliant]

I hate Page Davis's hair too! And Hildi's designs. I totally remember the straw one. Ew!

I agree with everyone that you should overthrow your HOA president. I can't believe it hasn't been done already! It sounds like it would be kind of easy -- you'd just tell her via registered mail that it had been done!

[Manda]

OH LORDY I HATE HILDI. And Doug. And the president of your homeowner's association!

[Katie McDonnell]

Such a great idea! Sign up her up!

We have anal, childless, petless neighbors who report us all the time... just had to pay 3 THOU for new sod! The guy waved at us for the first time yesterday!! *$&%!

[meritt]

Ok... as much as I would dearly love to move from this current town we have been relocated to; you have brought back horrible memories of living in the South where every house seemed to be part of an ASSOCIATION.

It hasn't caught on QUITE that bad in the upper Midwest yet so I'm thankful I can still choose my own mailbox, NOT plant flowers around it, park in my driveway if I choose, and paint my front door whatever color I might like.

Thank You for reminding me just how nice I still have it.... LOL.