A lot of hypothetical questions

Is it ironic, depressing or just downright pathetic that I spent my Target gift card – a birthday gift from Dave’s parents – on a jar of anti-aging night cream? Honestly, I tried not to. I spent two entire hours in Target on Saturday night looking for something else to splurge on, maybe something trendy in the shoe department or something springy in the juniors’ section or something on clearance in the Global Bazaar section which for some reason my local store shoves way in the back between the old Valentine candy and the garden hoses.

ANTI-AGING NIGHT CREAM. Did I just turn 30? Or 65? I mean, SERIOUSLY. And I’m not knocking the existence of anti-aging creams or the fact that I now need one. Even though, LORD HELP ME, I am old enough to need assistance in the fight against fine lines and sun damage. It’s just, I don’t know… the word “underwhelm” comes to mind. The truth is that I’ve been wanting to get something a little more high tech to smear on every evening, but I’m also a little embarrassed that I wasn’t willing to spend any of my own hard-earned money to get it sooner. No, no, I had to wait until someone gave me a gift card, FOR MY BIRTHDAY, to feel like my face was worth $17.59.

Do you see why I can’t go to Sephora? DO YOU?

The other reason I can’t go in there, besides that I Am Poor, is just the general confusion. WHAT IS ALL OF THAT STUFF FOR? I haven’t the foggiest. I went to a friend’s Mary Kay launch party over the weekend and we were each given this little index card with testers of eye shadow and blush and lipstick and there was a little map to show you how to apply the three different colors of eyeshadow and I KID YOU NOT, I had an easier time with trigonometry and may I tell you that when I took trigonometry? I GOT A D. (Also I got ill every time I had to watch my trigonometry teacher PLUCK HER CHIN HAIRS in between classes, but that’s another story for another time.)

I think honestly, before I turned 30 I was in denial about the fact that I am getting older and therefore my face doesn’t look like it did 15, 10, or even five years ago. And I’ve had a BABY, the kind that screams for half the night until he turns eight months old, and it took a toll on me. I’ve been STRESSED, is what I’m saying, and my face needs some help. But it didn’t feel right to need that help in my TWENTIES, when I’m supposed to be all young and natural and able to go to the grocery store without foundation on without scaring the checkout guy half to death. (Which will continue to happen, might I add, because Foundation = Extreme Confusion.)

Gah! I just read back over this post and realize I sound like I’m just a few moments shy of struggling into my support hose and heading out to the pharmacy on my Rascal scooter to pick up some Polident and Depends.

So anyway, thanks for all the nice comments you left on that last post. The scan of my prom dress was kind of blurry, but still, I cannot believe that was me. So… puffy! With such bad, dramatically curled-under bangs. On the other hand, I loved how my hair turned out for the wedding and perhaps I am more proud of it than I am of anything else that day because I DID IT MYSELF. I am NEVER happy with my hair when someone else does it; even when I leave the salon after a haircut with my very proficient hairdresser, I go home and touch it up and get it just the way I like it. So I was thrilled that I was able to create the hairstyle that I really wanted. And because I am an anal-retentive planner, I had scheduled out my wedding day to include about 1.5 hours in the early afternoon for Hair/Makeup Application and I was finished with ALL OF IT in less than 15 minutes. I am really not sure which is worse: Having a million things left to do on your wedding day or HAVING NOTHING. At least when you’ve got unfinished tasks you keep yourself busy. I just SAT THERE. Twiddling.

Aaaaaaand… yes. That last paragraph is exactly what I think it is: A paragraph about my wedding hair, which occurred approximately four and a half years ago. You would have rather heard about the chin hairs, wouldn’t you?

Comments

[Ashley]

i just looked at your photos now, but you looked so cute at your wedding! those photos are awesome.

also - if you only left target with the face cream, kudos to you because i go in there for a picture frame and come out with over two hundred dollars worth of things i never knew i needed.

[Lisa]

I am right there with you. I'm turning 30 this July (which I'm surprisingly zen about -- I think I did all my freaking out over 29 for some reason) and I had this conversation a couple months back with a few of my 27-year-old friends. It went like this: Me: Do you guys wear night cream? Them: What? Of course! We started years ago! You mean you don't wear night cream? YOU NEED TO START NOW.

Yeah... I didn't start even then mainly b/c I don't even know what kind I would buy given the chance. I wear Oil of Olay w/SPF 15 moisturizer and have since I was 21. Beyond that, I do basically nothing to my face.

[sarah]

After looking at your wedding hair, I thought, "DAMN! I should have gone to a salon because that's the exact wedding hair that I wanted."
Now I feel bad b/c I did my own & did not do as nice a job as you did. I was also ready wayyy too early before the wedding and proceeded to continue to lose my voice bopping around the hotel room to hits from the 80's with my mom & MOH. I danced so hard the CD skipped (we were on the 4th floor. I am not a large person, but an over-enthusiastic dancer)

[slynnr]

Yeah, I'm 27 and I've been on the anti-aging wagon since like 22. Never to early, my friend. Never too early.

[chatty cricket]

Ok, so you know what? I turned 30 a few days before you, and being of the Irish/fair skinned so I'll look 60 before I'm 35 variety, I prefer to think of all of this as PREVENTATIVE. As in, we don't need it now, but better start now so we don't wake up one day when it's too late. Right?

Also, remind me not to compare my pores to those of my 2 1/2 year old daughter with the perfect porcelain skin. It's a recipe for disaster.

[chatty cricket]

oh, and I also wanted your hair for my wedding. Sadly, I ended up with the Bad Katie Holmes Wedding Hair. All scraggly curly and looking far worse than it ever does in real life. I probably slouched like her too because of it.

[lissa]

This post was so funny! I actually don't leave the house without at least some powder and lip gloss... okay mascara too. I also get confused when I go to Sephora but I LOVE it!

[JAB]

I'm very impressed by your wedding hair! It looked great. I am also with you on being completely overwhelmed with shops like Sephora. I'd love to go in there, too, but I have NO idea what to get!

I'm 33 and haven't bought the anti-age cream (yet!) although I most definitely need it with two little guys at home and averaging about 5 hours of sleep per night, but last time I received a Target gift card for myself I spent it on groceries and clothes for the boys...not exactly the birthday treat for me I should have purchased.

[Dr Maureen]

I find it difficult to believe that someone who can do that to her hair does not understand foundation. I'm not saying that foundation is easy, mind. Lord knows I don't know how to wear it. However, neither can I get my hair to poof up all smooth like that. I have tried and tried and deemed it impossible.

[Patty]

I'm 46 now and I wish someone would have told me to start using an anti-aging cream on my neck when I was 30. I started too late and have to look at more wrinkles than I care to now. If you want a good reference on all types of beauty products, from Sephora and from Target, run out and purchase "How Not To Look Old" by Charla Krupp. It is second only to the Bible on my nightstand for regular reading and reference!

[Julia]

Just wanted to let you know that this made me giggle.

I could have shown you how to spend the card, though, as I was in my Target an nearly the precise same moment throwing black faux-wrap dresses in my cart without trying them on and wondering how I would pay for it.

[Desha]

Two words for the foundation part: FOUNDATION BRUSH. And yes, I am (partially) a Sephora-ite (SepWHORE-a? I dunno) but trust me: Buy the brush, USE the brush. You could buy it at Target (try the Sonia Kashuk line for inexpensive ones). Your life will be changed forever. Also, there is NOTHING wrong with buying anti-aging night cream - I've been on that band wagon fairly faithfully for a few years and I'm under 30. The wedding pics are super-duper sweet, too.

PS I comment here all the time, this is just my new secret blog identity. Love the new curtains as well.

[Laura]

I use anti-aging products at 26. It's important. We'll be thankful 30-some years from now!

[Holly]

I'll never forget going to the MAC store for concealer and having the very young salesgirl peer intently at my eyes and declare, "You have fine lines and wrinkles. I'll start you off with a caffeinated eye cream." Fine lines and wrinkles! I was barely 31!

[Kim]

I just turned 35 (ok 9 months ago!) and finally resigned myself to night cream. In fact I got mine at Target too and it cost 17.59! So let me guess - are you also using Oil of Olay regenerist night cream? aka the purple goopy stuff?

I love the stuff at Sephora but hate the store so I actually shop online with them. You should give it a try - there are alot of product reviews and explanations of what does what, it's much less intimidating and much more pleasant than going into that god forsaken store.

[Aunt Becky]

I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS BAFFLED ABOUT CERTAIN MAKEUP RELATED THINGS.

I just go to MAC and have them break it all down for me into impossibly teeny bits of digestible information. Otherwise, my head might explode.

[Sandy]

I am totally going to copy your wedding hair.

[hydrogeek]

This is a comment on your peanut post on the other site, because I am too lazy to register. I had the same freakout, and asked my mom (nurse) what I should do and she said benadryl if it's a minor reaction, epi-pen if it's major. I don't know the difference in a major and a minor reaction, but if my kid's ANYTHING starts swelling, I'm going to consider that major. So I thought I'd get an epi-pen and keep it on hand. Except...you can't buy them OTC. You have to have a prescription. Which means your kid has to have a major reaction before you get one. What?

[andrea from the fishbowl]

Oh, i'm 35 and I'm still sitting on the fence in regards to Products Said To Stall Aging. I hate to think someone is just pouring regular Jergens handcream or whatever into a pretty glass jar and splashing many unpromisable promises all over it. What's a gal to do?

*sigh*

p.s. lurve your blog. Am bookmarking for return visits.

[Cory]

I once had a grade-school teacher who sat at her desk and clipped her nails with a pair of scissors. Ya know, those big black-handled metal school-teacher scissors?? Crazy. And that was in grade-school! I am 30. Clearly I was traumatized by it.

Also, in high school Drivers Ed (the behind-the-wheel portion) my instructor sat in the passenger seat and picked the gunk out from underneath his fingernails and flicked it down to the floor while I was learning how to Keep My Hands At Ten And Two. Very distracting. And disgusting.

What is it with teachers and personal grooming in front of their students???

[Cassandra]

OMGoodness! Who did you have for trig? That poor woman...immortalized on your blog pages for her chin hairs. Or perhaps for inability to groom at home. Oh well, at least I didn't have her! Goooo cougars!