A lighter note, for the moment

Tonight, as Friday Night Tradition dictates, Dave and I will be kicking back with a frozen pizza and enjoying a movie. Also to be thoroughly enjoyed tonight is the ingenius comic timing of Netflix, which sent us (despite the stern, humorless promise of a VERY LONG WAIT) Knocked Up. Ha ha, Netflix! Aren't you just a regular Jerry Seinfeld these days!

The pizza is by Freschetta, and there is nothing remotely funny (or even particularly delicious) about it. In fact, Freschetta pizza is actually rather annoying because each and every time, it comes out of the box looking exactly like this:



Please PLEASE tell me you don't take the pizza right out of the wrapper and insert it into the oven with the pepperoni lying about all willy nilly and overlappy? And also completely UNFAIRLY, because I don't care how you go about slicing up that pizza, SOMEONE is going to end up with LESS PEPPERONI than someone else and that someone who gets suckered out of pepperoni better not be ME and not just because being slighted on pepperoni will totally make me cry. (Although it most definitely will.)

Frozen pizzas going into ovens should instead be modeled after this fine piece of pizza craftsmanship, which took approximately four minutes to assemble and required the removal and painstaking relocation of every single piece of pepperoni within the tri-state area:

It's rather breathtaking, isn't it? There I go, getting all choked up again.

In other less heartwrenching events, Asher continues to insist - sometimes hundreds of times a day - that I read Big Brain Academy to him. Never have I wanted him to understand English more than I do when I say, "ASHER. Big Brain Academy is a VIDEO GAME. There are no pages inside and there are no pictures of kittens to squeal at and there are no words for me to read to you because, again: VID. EEE. OH. GAME. Also it is shrink-wrapped because it is a DUPLICATE COPY that someone gave us as a gift and we have yet to return it but we can't UN-shrink wrap it because then Target won't even TAKE it back, so don't you get it? I CAN'T EVEN OPEN THE PACKAGE." He just looks at me. And then he whines again and shoves it at me again and I compensate by reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar 18 times in a row. AGAIN.

Thank you, each and every one of you, for your comments and your emails and your words of condolence and support. So many of you professed to not know what to say, or to wish what you said was more eloquent or comforting. But everything you said was wonderful and kind and caring and amazing. Everything you said was exactly what I needed to hear. Everything you said was perfect. I am honored and humbled that so many of you took the time to do such a compassionate and meaningful thing. It means so very much to our whole family. So thank you again; thank you so very, very sincerely.

Comments

[Catherine]

Maybe you can hide the game and get the already open one to play with?? Or just make up words? Or maybe read the instruction book and he'll realize it's a boring game (for him, not you, that game ROCKS) and quit asking.

[Catherine]

Oh, I forgot to say that it's very unfortunate timing to watch Knocked Up, but THAT SHIT IS FUNNY!!!!

[Jen]

On your Netflix moment, I returned home from my "yes you are miscarrying" doctor's appointment to find my very first copy of Pregnancy Magazine in my mailbox. Thrilling.

[Diane]

Have you started memorizing the books yet? So far, I can recite "Are You My Mother?", "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?", and at least 5 others, from memory. I did not set out to do this. (But it does come in handy during a diaper change.) And now, at 14 months, I have "read" her these so many times, SHE IS FILLING IN WORDS. Like, "Mom, jeez, could you speed it up already? I want to get to the part with the scary snort!"

Oh, and she desperately wants me to "read" her any DVD or VHS box she gets her hands on. If you figure out how to thwart that one, do let me know.

[She Likes Purple]

I've actually been thinking about you quite a lot. (A bit creepy, I know, to worry about a stranger.) I'm glad to see that you're doing a little better and I hope every day is more of that, better.

If I could I'd send you all the good pizza I could find, with evenly spaced pepporoni.

[Adele Richards]

The way you remodelled that pizza was a thing of beauty!

Been thinking of you too, today, and wondering how you are doing.

Thoughts and heart still very much with you.

xxx

[cat, galloping]

Hee. Gatito keeps insisting we read toy catalogs (car pages, of course), so we end up saying, Required 4 AA batteries, not included. Ages 3 and up. And he's TWO and has a perfectly good command of the English language, which means he demands a BETTER story, so I have to actually use my imagination and make one up. Imagine!

[Kim]

Oh, that Netflix...

Still thinking of you and praying for you. Hope you're feeling okay, physically, and healing okay, emotionally.

[Alisha]

I also rearrange the pepperoni on my frozen pizza before popping it in the oven. I like to leave spaces where I'm going to slice it so I don't have to try to cut through a pepperoni. If I try to slice through the pepperoni, it always ends up coming off one slice and taking half the cheese with it. Plus, I can make sure all of the slices have the same amount of pepperoni. Or if there's more pepperoni on one slice, I know which one to grab. :)

[Terranova]

YES! Oh my god, Freschetta pizza is so annoying. Oftentimes the pepperoni is all clumped together in one amoeba-like mass. DiGiorno can make a frozen, shrinkwrapped pepperoni pizza where the pepperoni STAYS in its evenly spaced location. Why is this so difficult for Freschetta?!?!

[andrea]

I've been thinking about you over the last few days. So glad to see that you still have (with the aid of Netflix) your wit and can find a bit of humor at times like this.
I hope you are doing alright both physically and emotionally. We are all here for you if you need anything at all.

[Becky]

I'm so with you on the Freschetta pizza debacle. It annoys me to no end, but it's extremely tasty. I wonder how many points are in one delicious piece....(you inspired my ass to do WW, you know).

[Manda]

I totally rearrange the pepperoni too! "Contents may shift in transit"...NO KIDDING!! I love the drama of the Asher pictures...his insistence is so very clear.

Hope you're hanging in there. I ate some Kit Kats for you yesterday. :)

[Kara]

Assvice:
Have you ever had the California Pizza Kitchen frozen pizza? I have never had a frozen pizza I really like until I tried theirs, and now I'm absolutely in love! You should try it.

[Angela]

I'm just catching up on your posts, and I was just so sad to read about your loss... You can certainly count me amongst the people who have no idea what to say, but am most definitely keeping you in my thoughts.

(Also, don't feel too alone, I am also a serial frozen pizza rearranger--and also? I usually add more cheese... shhhh...)

[Lacey]

I'm so glad someone else mentioned California Pizza. They are the BEST frozen pizza's & you don't have to rearrange anything!! I hope you & Dave are feeling better. I went through a miscarriage myself & time heals. I have been thinking about you all through this difficult time.

[Bunny]

Oooh, so we need new Wii games...any good recommendations? We only have Wiiplay, Wii Sports and Raving Rabbids. All good, but kind of boring now.

[ashley]

how cute is asher!? did you like Knocked Up?

kara - i had a CPK pizza for the first time last night. LOVE!

lots of prayers, emily

[Erin]

I say to with DiGiorno pizza. They use whole pepperoni slices, and I only have to rearrange a 'roni or two before baking.

I'm glad to see you're spirits are lifted...despite the mail-ordered irony.

[Superfantastic]

I rearrange the pepperoni, but no where near as well as you do. Allow me to recommend Target's Archer Farms frozen thin crust spinach and goat cheese pizza, if you're into that kind of thing. Be forewarned, you will have to redistribute the goat cheese for evenness.

[my life is brilliant]

What an awful time to fall behind on blog reading. I'm glad it sounds like you had a good, peaceful weekend. I'm definitely thinking of you all.

And that pizza? Beautiful.

[Kristen Katz]

I lost a baby at 18 weeks- it stinks no matter how your roll the dice. However, 3 months afterwards, I was pregnant with my daughter Annie- who turns four this month. Not to sound so "Eat Pray Love" but I wish you peace- and healing for your family.

[Tanya]

I always re-arrange the pepperoni of frozen pizza! And when I'm feeling reall wild, I add extra cheese.
The worst part? I can never wait long enough for the pizza to cool out of the oven, so I always end up burning my mouth.

[Lucy]

I'm so sorry.