Worse even than the raspberry incident. But this time, for an appropriate reason.

Happy Monday, everyone! Bear with me whilst I take a quick moment to run through this weekend's notable accomplishments, ok?

Passed the 30-week mark? Check!
Indulged in enormous (and OH SO DELICIOUS) chocolate shake from Chick-Fil-A? Check!
Had lovely al fresco dinner out with Dave? Check!
Took leisurely four-mile walk in the cool Saturday-morning hours? Check!
Bought baby an adorable matchy-matchy fall outfit emblazoned with squirrels and acorns? Check!
Filled two new prescriptions at Target? Check!
Finished repairing water damaged wall? Check!

Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it? But there's something I feel like I'm forgetting about... hmmm...

Oh that's right! Now I remember!

Took sharp turn while driving and accidentally dumped the dog out the car window, over the grassy median and into oncoming traffic? Check!

“Wait,” you’re surely thinking, “did I read that right? Something about a dog… and a car window… and what seems to be really poor judgment YET AGAIN on Emily’s part…”

And to that I say OH HELL YES you did people! My dog WAS THROWN THROUGH THE WINDOW OF A MOVING VEHICLE ON SATURDAY AFTERNOON. And it bears repeating once more: AND THEN HE ROLLED OVER THE GRASSY MEDIAN AND STOOD UP IN THE PATH OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

I should add that he’s 100 percent FINE, before anyone starts to panic or calls PETA on my behalf (not like I didn’t consider calling them MYSELF on Saturday). Dave and I have been religiously pressing our hands all over Hambone’s little body every 10 to 15 minutes to check for developing bruises or feverish places or bones that might pop through his skin at any moment and so far he’s done nothing that suggests he’s in any kind of pain or discomfort. He does manage to look beyond irritated when we wake him up from a nap by probing his hind quarters, however.

I, on the other hand, am only today finding the situation the least bit humorous. It wasn’t much comfort to me to discover that he is completely fine; instead I tortured myself with visions of what MIGHT have happened for the rest of the weekend. Those visions included massive head injuries courtesy of the cement curb and lots of mashing and mooshing by speeding cars. Not that anything even close to that actually happened.

What REALLY happened was that Hambone was hanging out the back window on the driver’s side of the car like he always does, when I took a right-hand turn at a stoplight extremely close to our house. The next thing I knew, I heard a thud and a thump and when I looked into my rear-view mirror, I saw him tumbling across the median and into the opposite side of a four-lane road. Somehow I managed to stop the car AND put it in park (never checked to see if anyone was behind me, but miraculously it turned out that no one was) and by the time I got out of the car, he was just standing in some kind of stupor in front of a car that was waiting for the light to turn green. I called him over to me and he walked over in a bit of a daze and then I grabbed him and lifted all 50 pounds of him back into the car (twice the doctor-recommended weightlifting limit for pregnant women, don’t think that didn’t cross my mind) where he resumed acting like nothing at all had happened except that he was getting to ride in the car, yippee! It must have all happened within 30 seconds, but it felt like an absolute eternity. My hands were shaking so hard I could barely hold onto the wheel, but I managed to drive the half mile back to the house before I fell completely apart and went all hysterical on Dave. A moldy-raspberry freakout does not even BEGIN to hold a candle to an I-almost-killed-the-dog-BY-THROWING-HIM-OUT-OF-THE-CAR freakout.

Dave has really honed his comforting skills in the past few weeks and he’s pretty much got it down pat. After he assured me that Hambone was just FINE, seriously, Emily look at him, he’s running around the backyard and he’s FINE—he started in on the list of other necessary reassurances: namely, that just because the dog fell out of the car, it didn’t mean I was a bad driver and it didn’t mean I was a bad person and it CERTAINLY didn’t mean that I was going to be a bad mother. That was a nice thing to hear.

What wasn’t so nice to hear was what Dave said when he returned from retrieving a few things from the car that I was physically unable to get for myself because not only did it mean I would have to revisit the scene of the crime but also because my eyes were swollen shut from all the crying: “Wow, there’s an awful lot of dog hair stuck in the back window.” Which made me start hyperventilating all over again because HELLO! DOG HAIR STUCK IN THE WINDOW, a reminder that it’s not like he went out of it WILLINGLY!

And then I was glad that we had picked up a 12-pack of toilet paper at Target that morning and that it was the really soft and also extra-absorbent kind.

In other news, Dave called the baby by what I think will be his name TWICE this weekend and it started to sound… well, it sounded right. I can’t believe we might actually have a name. A name that starts with an A. You know, in case you were wondering.

Comments

[Mrs. S]

Oooh! My name starts with an A! I highly recommend "starting with A" names, although we've decided to go the other way and name our baby girl a "name that starts with Z"... I know, I'm such a rebel.

And, I'm totally on Dave's side in the it's not your fault and it's a totall bizarre, freak accident that happened that in no way means that you are a bad driver, person, OR that you will be a bad mother. Give yourself a break, sweetie! It could have happened to anyone, and it all ended well and you need to stop torturing yourself with the what-if's because, I hear, we'll all be doing that plenty once we have actual miniature humans to take care of.

Now, go eat some chocolate or something so you feel better! (speaking of which, how did your GD test go?)

*hugs*

[The Mom]

Um, yeah I AM wondering. Didn't we have an agreement that you'd tell me and only me if it turned out I was having a boy too? You know, so we can avoid giving them the same name given how often we see each other, it would just be confusing?? DJ had called our guy by his decided-on name a few times when I finally decided it's just not ringing with me. That one name is still an option, but we've come up with another option which I think sounds more right than the first one. I guess we technically don't have to decide until he pops out in 10 weeks.

Anywho... I'll tell you if you tell me ;)

Oh, and sorry about the whole dog incident! I'm sure that was very scary and I don't blame you for freaking out! Sounds like he was unphased by it though. And don't worry about it reflecting on your skills as a mama... that's what carseats are for :)

[lissa]

I am now laughing about the dog incident but only after I found out he was okay. You should feel better in knowning that the same exact thing happened to a friend of mine when she was driving and everything turned out okay. It could have happened to anyone. I'm glad you and hambone are okay.

Are you going to tell us his name? I have about 50 A names going through my head now.

[Liz]

Oh, poor Hambone! I'm glad he's okay.

[Sarcomical]

oh my god. i don't want to laugh, really. truly. i felt the horror as a fellow dog owner. but i also could not help it. because you told it so well! and your agony - oh, your agony! i would have responded in the exact same fashion.

glad everyone's JUST FINE. ;)`

[Natalee]

I would've been an absolute *wreck*, probably for days afterwards if that happened to us. I get frantic enough when I can't find the dogs in the house, let alone having them fall out of the car and into oncoming traffic.

I'm so glad to hear Capt. Hambone is 100% fine.

And I'm thinking.....Aaron?

[Megan]

Hey, Emily, it's "Arnold," right? C'mon, you can tell me! :D

But seriously, that was just such a FREAK ACCIDENT with Hambone. I'm really sorry you had such a scare like that!

[Heather]

OMG!! I was covering my mouth almost crying with you!! I'm SOO scared that something like this will happen that I only roll down the passanger window (in case a car comes too close to me and knocks them on the head) and I only roll it down half way so they can get their head out and no more!!

I'm sure Hambone forgives you and will offer up lots of puppy kisses to prove it!! :-)

And Dave is right...it in no way relfects on your parenting skills!! :-)

[Angela]

Poor, poor Hambone! And poor, poor Emily! May I recommend a doggy seatbelt harness for the little guy so that he doesn't pull any more acrobatics out of the windows of moving vehicles anymore?!

I'm so glad he's okay, and this line right here: "The next thing I knew, I heard a thud and a thump and when I looked into my rear-view mirror, I saw him tumbling across the median and into the opposite side of a four-lane road." I'll admit that as terrifying as I found this entry, I definitely got quite a laugh out of that sentence!

[paisley]

A rules! My real name starts with an A and so does my husband's. YAY A! Not our baby, though. We don't want to be one of THOSE families.

Your dog story, while very sad and I am the biggest softie in the world when it comes to animals, had me laughing out loud at my desk. I'm glad nobody asked me why I was laughing for so long.

HiLARious.

Poor Hambone. ;)

[Heather]

Glad all's well. I'd still be in tears and have no pregnancy hormones to blame it on. Luckily our dogs are the size of horses so I don't think they actually fit out the window (but I just may get the measuring tape out to check now)

[sissy]

I think Hambone jumped out, he wasn't thrown out! You'd never throw him out 8). So glad to here he is ok - loved the story, laugh later.

[Beret]

Are you naming the baby Alistair? Like Rod Stewart did? No? Good.

Aaron, Adam (one of my faves), Alex, Alec, Aiden, Ambrose....

[Amy]

Hambone definitely saw something that interested him outside the window, and that is why he JUMPED. Your turning the corner had nothing to do with it. I do suggest a seatbelt harness though, and make it just tight enough to let him look out the window and not actually JUMP out of it again.

My name also starts with an A, but I don't suggest using it (not my name that is, the A is okay).

[whoorl]

I highly recommend "A" names. :)

[Steph]

You know, Emily, if I was ever in the situation you were in on Saturday, I'd be beating myself up just like you were.. and really, really, sucking up to my dog. But from a reader's point of view (with a vivid imagination I may add), this post made me kinda laugh out loud. Which, of course, makes me feel bad too. I don't know.. just envisioning a dog flying out of a car window is kinda funny to me, even though I would hate to actually witness such an event, or go through the trauma you did. I'm so sorry. But damn, you're such a good writer. I have to read your posts outloud to my husband sometimes because you crack me up.

Anyway, in other news, I really love what you've done to the nursery. It looks fabulous! And guess what.. you'll probably be using it in 10 weeks or so. WOO!

HUGS & COMFORTS TO YOU.

[Amy]

Is it okay that I laughed so hard I cried and my son called me a very evil woman?

[Susan]

Hi Emily. I absolutely love reading your blog. I came this way because I know Meredith from Better Butter. Your stories are very well written and I've laughed out loud and cried. You sound alot like me with all your quirks (OCD) and idiosynchrisies (however that is spelled). I'm happy that you are having a healthy baby and that you have a wonderful husband and dog and cat. It's alot fun (and hard work--sometimes you just want to run away) when you are a mom. My daughter just turned three on July 22. She gives me a good run for my money. Anyway, good luck to you and I am definitely hooked on your blog. My mom has one called blog is a four letter word. You can read about her and my crazy family there.
Cheers to you,
Susan
Avoca, Pa (it's near Scranton, PA)

[Obabe]

Poor Hambone. Poor you even more though! Sadly, I feel like I've read of that story, but with PEOPLE involved (both the car driver and being tossed from the car)
Obviously, I'm partial to Adam, but I think you have a cousin with that name.
So, I guess Andrew. That would totally fit with your names. Or Alex. Or Aaron.

[jes]

Oh, Emily. This post! Poor little ol' Hambone!

I laughed until I cried. You're totally getting linky love from me on this entry.

[Kelly]

Oh no! I would have freaked the hell out, too! I have nightmares about that kind of thing.

Now I'm not letting my pups lean out the window unless I have 'em on a leash, which I am grasping tightly!

Glad Hambone's okay!!

[Nancy]

A name! Little Arathorn, perhaps?

[hannah]

It's Attilla, right?

[Mike]

Hambone, Hambone where ya been?
Out the window and back again.

Hambone, Hambone what ya see?
A big ol' car pointing straight at me.

Hamebone, Hambone what ya do?
Emily picked me up and away we flew!

-adaptation of an Army marching cadence.

Please send Hambone to Texas where he will first learn the proper way to ride in the bed of a pickup truck and then use those skills to remain inside a sedan no mater how fast you corner.

Glad that he's ok.

[liz]

Oh, no, I am crying here...partly from laughing and partly because it's so horrifying to think what might have happened.

Are you naming the baby Andy? It's an excellent name, nice and friendly. I have a 16-year-old Andy. Even though Andrew has been in the top 10 names forever, nobody uses Andy anymore except for us. All the other Andrews are Andrew or Drew, so Andy has ended up being a unique name.