Week 18

Dear Gestating Baby,

Last night, I dreamed about you in vivid clarity for the very first time. I can’t believe that almost 19 weeks into this pregnancy, I’ve never been able to catch even the merest glimpse of you while I’m sleeping. And so I suppose that if I took dreams seriously and thought them to be the insightful indications of the future that some do, I would be excitedly and confidently announcing to the world at large via this here Internet that you are to be born exactly two weeks early as a beautiful, healthy little girl.

Of course, if we are so inclined to take this entire dream at face value (I firmly believe in the principle of all or nothing), I would also need to find out why on God’s green earth I am destined to give birth to you in my childhood bathroom, without a single, solitary push, sitting half-naked on the side of the bathtub. Your head just pops out and your father grabs you under the arms and pulls you out without batting an eye (miracle of all miracles) at the blood and that slippery white coating that all babies are born with, and we wrap you up and cuddle you and marvel at your good looks and your blonde hair. And then later, after dressing you in a ridiculously cute outfit, I forget to take you out of the car on a very hot day when we go out to eat and you flail and scream bloody murder for 15 minutes before I figure out that I’ve even HAD a baby. Doesn’t it sound like such a promising future for BOTH of us? There was also something in there about scuba diving in an above-ground pool, but I suppose we can tackle that issue another day, perhaps when we appear on Dr. Phil together when you’re a teenager.

The good news is that we’re only a little over a week away from finding out if this subconscious prophecy is to be fulfilled; if you are, in fact, of the female persuasion. And if you are, I reserve the right to staunchly avoid going ANYWHERE NEAR my parents’ house within a month of my due date. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I’m against home birth in any way; it’s that I am positively, proactively, DECISIVELY against home birth in someone else’s house. Even if it is your grandparents’ house which means I would be able to fortify myself through my entire labor with Cheese Puffs and Doritos and bologna and those little kosher hot dogs wrapped in bagels and that’s even if labor lasted for 67 continuous hours. But still. Ew.

Today your father called and told me he was going to stop by the house and let the dog out so that I was free to do whatever I wanted with my lunch hour. He was doing this for your protection: yesterday absolutely nothing in our refrigerator appealed to me so my noontime fortification consisted of a couple of handfuls of shredded Mexican cheese and two popsicles left over from last summer. This was deemed unacceptable behavior on my part by your father, and since I didn’t go to the grocery store last night (Soul Patrol duty and all) today’s lunch would have been similarly void of nutritional value and he only wants the best for you. I can’t promise you or your father that today’s lunch was much better (I do recall some lettuce?) but the more important thing was that I ate it really fast so that I could saunter over to the new Carter’s store and buy you your very first set of infant pajamas. (They were totally on sale.)

You feel a lot more real to us since I started feeling you move on Monday morning. It took a little while before I was able to identify your movements as something other than muscle twitches, but now I can easily categorize them and I have felt them every day since. Yesterday I started getting a little panicked when I hadn’t felt anything by 11:30am, especially since the dog had launched himself off the bed the night before via my abdomen, but after a few hundred Google searches I was able to comfort myself with the knowledge that sometimes I might go a couple of days without feeling you move, especially when you’re still so small and feeble, and that it is perfectly normal.

And that’s when it hit me: I’m already completely, totally, absurdly, 100 percent attached to you. I might not know exactly how I’m supposed answer the question, “So, are you excited?” and I might not be completely comfortable committing to big purchases like car seats and strollers yet, but I know without a doubt that I want you, that I love you, and that I’ll be damned if I’m not going to do everything I can to protect you before you’re able to protect yourself. And that’s a promise.

Love,

Your Mom

Comments

[Angela F]

Awwww! I totally get the sudden attachment. The other day I told my belly I loved it and then burst into tears. Isn't being pregnant just crazy?

I just love your weekly letters. I am also totally jealous that you felt the baby move so early. It took me until about 21ish weeks, and I am sure that is because I am "carrying extra weight."

[hydrogeek]

Just letting you know that I stole your idea for the letters to the gestating baby, even though I'm nnot nearly so timely in getting them written. I just love them!

[Angela]

I would totally love to have cheese puffs in the delivery room some day... the weiners in the bagels, though, those I could definitely do without!

[Megan]

Aw, what a sweet post!

Speaking of giving birth in other folks' homes - I'm on an etiquette forum, and there was actually a thread going about whether it's rude to ask if you can give birth in someone's home. I mean, if you're over and suddenly go into labor, that's one thing. But I couldn't imagine calling my mom and saying "can I give birth on your nice new sofa?" Because as much as my mom loves me, I know the answer will be 'no.' Or, more like "HELL no!"

[Matt Miller]

Great post! So motherly.

[jes]

When I read the comment, "let the dog out..." the song "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT" popped into my head, and it has been replaying ever since, while I read this entry.

And when I got to the part about your baby's movements, all I could think was how eloquent your words are, and how reading them only feeds my own baby fever.

And by the end of the entry, as you declare your love for the child within you, I'm all, "I love the baby, too!" because these weekly letters that you've written make me feel as though I really know you, and as though I really know your baby in the same way.

And now I want to be pregnant, just so I can experience these same things, but that is still two -ish years away.

I suppose I'll just live vicariously through you until then.

[Duchess]

Awww Shucks! That was a great letter...it had all the makings of a Yom Hanks/Meg ryan movie...it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me hungry.... well okay the last one is pushing it. I love the letters, brilliant idea!

[Natalee]

Beautiful, as always.

[Alishia]

I remember I never knew what to say when people asked me if I was excited--or even worse, if we had planned on becoming pregnant. Mildly annoying and presumptuous. I was a little excited, but mostly nervous because life as I knew it was going to end forever. But now, I'm in love and I can't get enough of my girl.

[lissa]

Seriously you are going to be such a great mother! I feel like it is baby watch 2006!

[Meepers]

Ahhh! That was really, really sweet - also it made me hungry with the mentions of the yum-yums. My mom dreamed of me when she was pregnant - she said in the dream I was about three and looked EXACTLY how I really did end up looking like. Weird,huh? What color/pattern were the pj's?

[Brandee]

As far as pregnancy dreams being accurate.....I once dreamed that my first son was born a grey plastic spoon with no arms and no legs, just a little bitty beak like a bird for me to drop food into. He's not a spoon. :) BUT -- that exact spoon, weird grey shade, small size, sans birdy beak came in his McDonald's Playset 2 years later. Pregnancy dreams are weird.

[Kelly]

So sweet! :)

I think it'll be fun to show your kid these letters one day and have to explain all the current pop culture references.

"Mom, what the heck was soul patrol duty??"

[Matt Miller]

Heck, I'm asking what soul patrol is now.

[Liz]

Very sweet. :) Will you be buying lots of twee baby shoes and socks? There's nothing I love better than twee baby shoes and socks... especially when they have tiny rattles on the toes.

[Occidental Girl]

That is so sweet!

Congratulations. Enjoy every second of pregnancy (that you can). It's an amazing time.

[QueenieCarly]

Oh, Emily, you got me all teary at the end there. That is so sweet.

And I can't wait to see if this little one's birth plays out the way you're imagining it will!

[Beret]

With my first baby I only had 2 baby dreams. In both I had just given birth and my dad held the baby up so I could see it was most definitely a boy, with lots of dark hair.

The the baby was born and it was most definitely NOT a boy, and she had no hair at all.

Can't wait to find out what you're having!

[humanpincushion / Debbie]

Aww, this was so sweet it gave me goosebumps! I am so excited for you. I check your site daily to get an update :)

And also, how sweet of your husband!

Take care!

[Brian]

Wow, that last paragraph really made me tear up. My wife has been writing letters to our son since before he was born 7 months ago. Reading this, I know you are going to be a great mom to this lucky little one.

[Karyn]

Have not left you a congradulatory comment yet, so consider this my very heart felt congradulations on baby! Almost to the halfway mark. You should be feeling pretty good, and by good I mean done puking, if you were a puker. Second trimester was always my favorite. You feel better, aren't too large yet, still see your toes, feel little life form move, kick, hiccup. I am wishing you and Dave all the best that this adventure can bring. And it's true what they say, having a baby really does bring you closer. It is an amazing thing to share the love you have for your little one with the man you love. Does this make sense? Your little one is very lucky to have you for parents, and from the pictures of your vacation, to have such a close extended group of people to spoil him or her! And take on cruises. By the way, I've been to St. John and I would be very thankful for you getting me to such a beautiful spot even if it cost alot! That's one of Frommers most beautiful beaches in the world. The world!!
Take good care or yourselves!
karyn

[Arwen]

I'm so jealous that you've felt the baby move for sure! I've had a couple times when I thought I felt it, but it was probably just gas or something.

Before I got pregnant, I used to have dreams about random babies all the time, but I'm still waiting to have a dream about this specific baby.

I'm curious about why you're worried about giving birth in your parents' house if it's a girl, but not if it's a boy... or did I just read that paragraph wrong?

[LadyBug Crossing]

Oh - I remember when...
They grow up so fast...
LBC

[MommaK]

That is a wonderful letter. I can sooooo relate to the no-food-in-the-freaking-house anger. I think I would actually shake.

Just stopping by to say congrats on your Perfect Post Award today :)

[Melody]

I'm here visitng via Better Butter!

I found on this computer of mine the other day, three letters I had typed to my unborn child in August of 2004. My baby (Monet Lulu) was born 4 days after my final letter. They made me cry. Next time I will do this again, though more than 3. They are good to keep and one day pass onto your child!

Good Luck with everything.