Sometimes I can't believe I am old enough to write a post like this

Dave and I have had a lot of romantic moments since we have been together. In the beginning of our relationship, when we were dating long-distance, there were surprise visits and mushy cards and letters and hours upon hours of phone calls that ended up costing us hundreds upon hundreds of (mostly Dave's) dollars. Dave’s marriage proposal was heartbreakingly sweet and genuinely emotional, and 11 months later so was our wedding, filled with our tears of joy as well as those of our families and many, many of our dearest friends.

All of the important events of our life together have been nothing short of picture perfect, as disgusting and putrid as that sounds.

So you can imagine Dave’s surprise when he had to find out he was going to be a father for the first time outside the baggage claim area of the Las Vegas airport. OVER THE PHONE. WITH HIS HYSTERICALLY CRYING WIFE ON THE OTHER END.

True story.

I’m pregnant. With what we are pretty sure is a human baby.

I never really fantasized about the way we would find out we were having a baby, mainly because WE WEREN’T TRYING TO, but I think if I had, I would have pictured us both at home, packed into our miniscule bathroom, watching together excitedly as two pink lines appear on the pregnancy test. And then there would be happy tears and hugs, maybe a phone call to our parents right away to tell them the news. And then I would reveal my decorating schemes with a PowerPoint presentation and Dave would be totally passionate and dedicated to the task of picking out cribs and bedding and names right away.

Instead, there I was, a couple of hours after dropping Dave off to catch his flight to Vegas, hunched over a pregnancy test that I was only taking to reassure myself that it was fine to have a beer or two with dinner, because there was absolutely zero chance I was pregnant. It was the cat, not Dave, who saw those two pink lines with me. And then I cried tears of sheer terror and instead of hugging anything, I just swore. Followed by much pacing, because Dave was ON A PLANE, 34,000 FEET OVER MIDDLE AMERICA and he wasn’t landing for THREE MORE HOURS and exactly what was I going to do with myself until then? And then I had another minor anxiety attack when I remembered that I would be alone for the next two days before I myself could get on a plane to Vegas and be with him.

When Dave finally called and said he had landed, I started sobbing uncontrollably and because two and a half years of marriage has trained him to respond appropriately to mild hysteria, he then immediately inquired as to what was wrong. I told him the situation in VERY CLEAR TERMS. Sort of. Well, it sounded reasonable at the time.

“You know those tests I bought? [sobbing] You know which ones? Huh? Well, I took one! And it WASN’T NEGATIVE.” [more crazy sobbing, like perhaps I have been assaulted internally with something much more dangerous than an embryo]

Dave assumed a calm, collected demeanor and then asked me if this was a joke. Like I [sniffle, sniffle] would make a JOKE out of his UNBORN CHILD! [wail] Also, I am just not a very good fake crier.

I told him it was not a joke and he asked if he could call me back when he got to his hotel. I agreed, after all, the airport—especially the Las Vegas airport—is just not the most appropriate place to talk about how life as you know it is ENDING. ENDING! Without any warning whatsoever! And your very own uterus has been implicated in the process!

When he arrived at his hotel, he called back and thus began the strangest two days we have probably ever had as a couple: two long, drawn-out days without seeing each other, or talking freely; without the ability to comfort each other or calm each other down, or feeling free to reveal our true emotions without fear in the midst of the Biggest Thing That Has EVER Happened To Us, And Probably Ever Will Happen To Us In The History Of The World.

Thankfully, within a few hours, we made our peace with what was truly a completely unexpected situation, and even started to get a little hopeful. Maybe even a little excited. Maybe we did go a little bit overboard when we decided the baby should come home from the hospital in a Las Vegas t-shirt and were disappointed when we couldn’t find one tiny enough. Actually, the truth is that we DID find a tiny Las Vegas t-shirt but it was $24.99 and, seriously, you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I don’t spend $24.99 on MYSELF with any kind of regularity. I wear bras that cost $8.99 at Target.

Anyways, so here we are, several weeks later and it has officially sunken in. We went to the doctor and confirmed that we really are having a baby. We’re going to be responsible for a helpless little person come October. And as frightened and nervous as we are, and as useless and unprepared as we feel, I know that we are going to end up loving every single minute of it.

Picture perfect. Once again.

Comments

[Christy]

Congratulations to you and Dave. :) Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy.

[Pronoia]

Congratulations!

[Nancy]

Oh my god, congratulations! That is huge, wonderful news.

I am already looking forward to the blog entries about the next eight months.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Emily, I am WEEPING at my desk. Seriously! Am I crazy? I've never even met you! And yet my MASCARA IS RUINED FOR THE DAY, all because of you!

The biggest, heartiest, loveliest congratulations to the two of you!

[natala]

yay!!!!!! how exciting!
wow - i love blogging.

[Tara]

Wait. I read your blog because you remind me of BEFORE I had my daughter. Now what? Just kidding!!! I am so happy for you and Dave! Very exciting!! Congratulations!

[Mike]

Wow! What a post to throw up on a Friday. Congratulations, Woohoo, and More Cowbell sent your way!!!

Do they sell those LV shirts on-line? If they do, I'll pony up the bucks for the kiddo because 1) you could have ads on your site and blog for dollars but you don't and
2) I have extra coin in the budget since I don't buy bras at Target.

And Dave - Well played sir. Two days in Vegas alone, to get straight with the next 24 years of your life. "Come on boxcars, daddy needs a college fund."

Seriously, I'm sure that you both will do fine as parents. Just keep in mind that diapers are numbered like Newborn, 1, 3, 4, 5 and THE NUMBER DOES NOT DENOTE THE POUNDS OF POOP that said diaper can hold.

[Natalie]

wow, congrats! hope you have a healthy, smooth and awesome pregnancy :)

(sorry, i can't remember if i de-lurked yet, but if i haven't, i've been reading your blog for a while and i totally love it!)

[lissa]

Oh my goodness! Do you remember when I emailed you and said that in order for us to be taken seriously as grown ups you would have to get pregnant! I didn't think you would take me seriously!!!!

In all seriousness though you and Dave are going to be amazing parents. Anyone who can share a poop story from her honeymoon to the whole world can't go wrong in my book.

Congrats! I am oh so happy for you.

[Sherry]

Delurking to say congratulations! Yay! Babies are fun! (Especially when I don't have to get up at night with them) All the best!

[Marly]

Also delurking to offer my congratulations. Babies are great(most of the time). Each year just gets better & better. The first time they say "momma" or "I love you", or just give you a hug, it makes all the poop and throw up and sleepless nights worth it.

[Diddy]

I was hoping to hear the part about the "informational dinner" at Mom and Dad's house. That had to be the greatest "hey, we're pregnant" reveal of all-time.

[Diddy]

Oh yeah . . . and again, CONGRATULATIONS!

[lori]

Congratulations, Emily!!!!!! (You should put up an amazon wish list because you know we Internets are suckers and will totally buy you cute things that we ourselves have no personal use for. Well, Lissa and I anyway.)

[Carly]

Emily-

I love this! The post is awesome, the news fabulous!Congratulations!

As I said in my email, at least now I can forgive you for such a tame Vegas experience.

What a fun ride you are on! I'm looking forward to hearing about every little bit of it. Enjoy!

[B]

Hey, I, too, join others in delurking and congratulating! I can totally empathize with the surprise factor -- I once thought I was just gaining weight and went so far as to make my husband buy an exercise bike, which of couse sat unused once I realized WHY I was putting on the pounds. I've really enjoyed your blog and am sure it's only going to get more interesting.

[Rich]

First, congrats on the expectant new edition.

Second, definitely need before and after shots of the rooms for the kiddo. Because, I know from experience that such a bundle of joy does have profound changes (not bad, mind you) in your life.

Third, Mike's cowbell sounded so much better than his voice after the games he's been to this week.

[Carly]

Geez... You get yourself knocked up and people come right out of the woodwork! I'll do a lot for my blog, but I'm not going that far!

[Jessica]

Congratulations!!!

[s@bd]

And that's why God gave them a NINE MONTH gestational period. Just so the parents can get used to it ...

[Jen]

WOW. Congrats!!!! I know you're in shock, but that's really awesome... and you will have a great story to tell your child years from now about how you found out, haha!

[A Totally Different Jen]

Congratulations!

And that is one seriously funny story...am taking notes and will add "do not bring chocolates on honeymoon" to the list!

[Owlhaven]

How awesome!!!!!!! Congratulations!
Mary, mom to 8

[Julia]

I go away for a while and THIS is what happens?!

I knew your description of your trip to Vegas sounded odd. Now I know why.

Congratulations. Scary, but you'll get over that. :)

[Conley]

Congratulations on getting knocked-up!!! Dave - you little devil!